When I'm saying yes, when I want to say no, that's lying.

When I'm showing up and pretending like I want to be there,

that's a form of manipulation. So if I am in relationships with people where I feel like I have to silence myself or I have to go along to get along at the end of the day, that doesn't work. Clarity is a radical act of love. You have people in your life right now who love you and are still making you feel smaller. And the worst part, you've convinced yourself that's just what closeness costs.

Because somewhere along the way, we started confusing loyalty with self-abandonment. Alexell calls it the pattern most of us never name. We people please, we self-silence, we shrink, and we call it love. But that pattern doesn't just cost you your peace. It costs you the real friendships you've been craving. In her new book The Company We Keep, we discover the friendships that feel the hardest to examine are usually the ones that set you free when you finally do. Today, Alex is sitting down with us to talk about how to build the kind of friendships that don't require you to abandon yourself to belong. Well, hi everyone. Welcome back to Life Happens. We have a really special guest joining us today, one of our favorite people, Alex L, an amazing author, speaker, teacher, human being, who has a new book coming out, and we're so excited to chat with her today about the company we keep. Hi, Alex. Hey guys, guys. So good to see you and be here with you. It's so wonderful to be with you. I know. If you maybe you were attending, but Alex so graciously came to my book launch back in November and it was such a special time. So I'm so excited now to be celebrating you and your book that's about to be in the world and help so many people. Thank you. And it's also about friendship, which your book was about. So I can't wait to talk with you both about all of this. It's so funny because when you announce this book and the title, the company we keep, my mom and I kind of

looked at each other because that's something that we would always say to each other, especially when I was growing up and a kid and having issues with friendships or relationships, she would always talk to me about the company that you keep or the people that you have around you. So it felt very serendipitous and it was so nice to be. So it just is so amazing. So I guess to kind of start off talking about the book, what made you feel like this was the time to write this book? And what necessarily inspired you or prompted you to share this message and the messages of the book right now? Well, this book, I wrote it two years ago. So you know how the book thing goes, right? So everything is kind of like behind, it just all catches up with everything that's happening, right? And so this book was two years in the making and I wrote it because when I turned 35 My life just started to change my relationship started to change I started to change and I knew that I wasn't the only person feeling like oh My friendships look different my relationships look different. My relationships look different.

My relationship to the world feels different.

And I don't know if it's like a 35, you know,

you turn 35 and then it's like, oh, my 30s are about

to really kick my ass and show me who I am,

who I'm not, who I thought I was going to be.

And I wanted this book to be a reflection of

introspection, because often we look at our relationships

as something outside of us,

but our relationships have to start with self,

in my opinion, right?

And so starting at home, being more introspective,

more self-aware, and truly identifying what I want, what I need, and also, how was I showing up? Like, what does my capacity look like? And so that's how this book came to be. And the name wasn't always gonna be the name, which we'll get into that, but it's very fitting. And I wanted to write this book to bring people closer to themselves first and foremost, first and foremost. And then create space for them and look at the company they were keeping. I love that. I'm almost snapping. I saw this. I also kind of and interject for second and say, I think every milestone year is going to kick our ass. Oh my gosh. I'm telling you because this book came at the right time for me in exactly what you're saying and going through my divorce and everything changing and the thing that I love so much about this book is you do talk about friendships and how much we change and how life is always an ebb and flow and people come and go and it really was helpful. And it really is helpful. I got it early copy. Thank you very much. And it really was very helpful to, I think mostly it is the relationship that we have with ourselves is the most important, but this book also affirms for me that there was nothing wrong with me, that this idea that I'm going to ebb and flow through friendships and relationships and, you know, especially going through a divorce, it's almost like sometimes we need a gentle soul like you, because I just adore you from the moon and back. Oh my God, you mean everything to me. I just love you.

It's a friend, it's a human.

And sometimes we need that gentle reminder

from someone that we love and trust

and care for so much.

That's what this book did for me.

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