253. Why You Don’t Want Sex Like You Used To: Desire, Long-Term Relationships, & Life After Kids

Honeydew Me

Cassandra Anderson

Self-improvement, Education, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 533 Ratings

🗓️ 11 February 2026

⏱️ 75 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

For a lot of us, having kids absolutely wrecks our sex lives… at least for a while. And no one really prepares you for that. In this episode, we’re joined by Rebecca Howard Eudy, PhD, LMHC, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and couples therapist, to talk about what actually happens to desire, intimacy, and connection after kids (or even just in long term relationships). We dig into exhaustion, resentment, pressure, and why so many couples assume something is wrong with them, when really they’re just navigating a huge shift. This conversation is about understanding what’s happening and figuring out how to rebuild intimacy in a way that actually works for the season you’re in. We cover: How pressure kills intimacy. What happens when sex becomes another expectation instead of a point of connection. Why resentment shows up in the bedroom. How unequal labor, emotional disconnect, and unspoken needs quietly erode desire. How to rebuild emotional and physical intimacy. Practical ways to reconnect that do not rely on forcing desire or “trying harder.” Why sex changes so much after kids. Rebecca explains how exhaustion, mental load, and identity shifts directly impact desire and arousal. The difference between low desire and low capacity. Why many parents still want sex but feel too depleted to access it. Understanding desire differences after parenthood. Why mismatched desire is common and not a sign something is wrong with your relationship. Why scheduling intimacy can actually help. How planning connection creates safety and reduces pressure instead of killing spontaneity. The importance of redefining sex after kids. Moving beyond penetration-focused sex and expanding what intimacy can look like now. How to talk about sex without blame or defensiveness. Language shifts that help couples feel like teammates again. Connect with Rebecca: BUY HER BOOK HERE! Visit her website HERE! Follow her on Instagram HERE! Listen to her podcast HERE! ⁠⁠⁠Looking to apply these tips to your REAL life? Schedule a FREE 1:1 strategy session with Cass & Em to see if coaching can support you.⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello,
0:01.0	You're a jam shine when the light grows dim
0:04.0	Damn
0:05.0	Hello and welcome to the sassiest podcast on this planet. I'm Emma. And I'm Cass. And this is our podcast where we talk about sex, relationships, mental health, all of the things that we're not really taught about, but we're told should come rather naturally, should come rather easily, but don't because they are really shame-ridden, they are learned
0:41.9	skills, and we don't have the community built around us to engage with them in really honest,
0:48.7	authentic ways. So, hello, we made it. Hello. We made it. Your Lord and Saviors are right here ready to teach you about all these said things.
1:00.0	Or to bring on really cool people that have way more knowledge than us, which is about 99% of the time.
1:07.5	But you know, we'll do 100% of the time.
1:09.5	We'll sit in it with you.
1:13.4	We will be embarrassed. We'll be uncomfortable. We'll be silly. And we'll just be there with you. Because I think sometimes there isn't
1:19.8	always an answer or a way to just like get rid of all the shame and feel magically confident. But what we
1:26.3	can do is laugh about the fact that
1:28.2	we have these like weird skin suit bodies that do these weird things and these crazy brains
1:34.1	that don't always work the way we want them to. We can just be together. Yeah, exactly. Speaking of
1:40.9	crazy brain. So yesterday, I went to Trader Joe's. I was by... Raw next question. Raw next question. I was by the raw vegetables. So funny, you should say that. And I see from the back, the most, what I will assume will be the most beautiful man once he turns around.
2:02.7	And boy, was I correct.
2:04.7	Holy shit.
2:06.0	This was like the prettiest man I've ever seen.
2:09.5	He was like 6'3.
2:11.0	He kind of had like sandy brown hair, which is not what I'm typically attracted to.
2:17.0	But oh my God, he was so beautiful.
2:21.1	And then I was so distracted by the fact that I was actually attracted to someone within, like,
	...

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