Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. In today's Ask Steff episode,

I am answering the question of how do I know if someone is avoidant or just not that into me,

which is actually a question that I get asked a lot, that may or may not come as a shock to you.

Maybe you are someone who has asked yourself that question. Maybe you've Googled it,

looked online for answers when you've been in a situation where someone's behavior feels confusing

and you're trying to decode it. We know that's a very common pattern for folks with anxious

attachment when faced with confusing or inconsistent behavior is to try and figure it out.

And so this question of, is it their attachment pattern or are they just not interested,

arises as a natural response to that situation?

And I'm going to share some thoughts today, some kind of substantively addressing the question

and also kind of a zoomed out what to do if you

find yourself in a situation where you're asking this question because I would argue that

that's actually more noteworthy and something that maybe deserves more of our attention than

actually finding the answer. So that's what I'm going to be unpacking in today's episode.

Before I get into that,

I've done a terrible job at sharing about this, but I recently created and released a brand new short course called Understanding Your Avoidant Partner. So if you've done any of my other

programs, you'd know that my focus is generally not on the other person and I actually actively

encourage you to stop obsessing about them and turn towards yourself, your own work, your own

contribution to the pattern, your needs, your desires because so much of anxious attachment

is hyperfixating on the other person and I think that can be unhelpful.

With that being said, I'm also a huge proponent of understanding someone else's stuff and

having compassion for them being curious about why they are the way they are rather than just

...