248: Should Our Tween Dictate Our Post-Divorce Visitation Schedule?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens

Dr. Lisa Damour/Reena Ninan

Kids & Family, Mental Health, Parenting, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 720 Ratings

🗓️ 2 December 2025

⏱️ 26 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When parents divorce, how much say should a tween or teen have in deciding where they live, and how often they switch homes? Divorce is hard on everyone, but for kids it often comes with a lot of upheaval. In this episode, Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan unpack what divorced parents can do to minimize the emotional toll on their kids, ease the challenge of moving back-and-forth between homes, and create arrangements that grow with their child’s needs. Drawing on decades of clinical experience, Dr. Lisa helps parents understand the situation from their child’s perspective and offers compassionate, practical strategies to reduce conflict, simplify logistics, and strengthen co-parenting teamwork. 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - Why divorce often leaves kids feeling like “a human ping-pong ball” - What an ideal post-divorce setup looks like (and why it’s rarely possible) - How visitation schedules can evolve as tweens mature and seek more independence - How the mindset shift from “ex” to “co-parent” helps everyone Whether you’re newly divorced or years into co-parenting, this episode will help you see the challenges through your child’s eyes and remind you that stability, empathy, and teamwork make all the difference. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Episode keywords: divorce, co-parenting, tween emotions, family transitions, custody tips Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence

Transcript

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0:00.0	Tell me a parenting issue everyone struggles with with tweens and teens, but no one talks about.
0:06.6	Rina, I think a lot of people feel like they just don't know how to connect to their kid anymore.
0:12.8	I'm Rina Nainan and welcome to Ask Lisa the psychology of raising tweens and teens.
0:17.6	And I'm Dr. Lisa DeMore.
0:19.1	We bring you science-back strategies for managing anxiety, discipline, intense emotions, and more.
0:24.6	We decode tough parenting issues with tips you can use right now.
0:28.6	So subscribe to Ask Lisa the psychology of raising tweens and teens and join our YouTube community today.
0:35.6	Just Google, Ask Lisa Podcast.
0:38.1	We're here to help you untangle family life.
0:43.6	Episode 248, should our teen dictate
0:46.0	our post-divorce visitation schedule?
1:12.9	All right, December. We are here. We are here. A few more weeks. Yes. And I will tell you one thing, I think you know this. Years ago, I knit for both of my girls' advent calendars where I put a little treat in there every day. And I love it. But it's also very good when it's finally filled, because coming up with like 24 not garbage gifts that fit into tiny little mittens
1:20.8	and hats. I love that. So it's an advent calendar that you knit. Yep. And then they open it up
1:26.0	every day. There's some sort of little. Every day. And it's like a garland and it's little mittens and little hats. And I made one for each of
1:31.6	them. And I'm never making another one again. It was such a project. That's impressive. I can't even sew a button. Well, knitting is something I do like to do. But I'm never making one of these again. But, you know, this is what I love, traditions around the holidays of what people and kids look forward to doing.
1:45.7	I love getting them out.
1:47.1	And I, you know, this is what I love traditions around the holidays of what people and kids look forward to doing. I love getting them out. And I, you know, but like a lot of chapstick towards the end of some earrings, you know, but like it's hard. It's hard because you don't want to just give them junk. So do you lead up to a high value gift? Like nicer little, like low value jewelry.
2:02.5	Oh, interesting. All right.
2:07.1	I'm going to be thinking for you of what to fill those with. Yes, no. If you ever see any like cool little things around about like, okay. You know, what do you do in families where you are
2:13.5	blended or divorced and you're trying to figure out the holidays. So we got this great letter.
2:19.5	I want to dive right into talking about sort of post-divorce visitation. How does that work? Right?
2:24.8	The holiday is also big time. Dear Dr. Lisa and Brena, we recently got divorced and our 12-year-old
	...

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