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The Mark Groves Podcast

#247: How to Create a Lasting, Healthy Relationship with Dr. Stan Tatkin

The Mark Groves Podcast

Mark Groves

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.95K Ratings

🗓️ 5 December 2022

⏱️ 58 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Themes: Relationships, Attachment Theory, Conflict, Interdependency Summary:  Today I’m honoured to be joined by Stan Tatkin: PsyD, MFT, clinician, author, researcher, co-founder of the PACT Institute and all-around relational ninja. Stan’s ability to help couples navigate the often tricky waters of relationships is truly unparalleled, and in this episode, you’ll understand why. Join us as we discuss attachment theory, the leading causes of breakups and, ultimately, how to co-create a thriving, lasting relationship.  Dr. Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine. He maintains a private practice in Southern California and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and the upcoming, In Each Other’s Care. Discover: Why we choose the partners we do, and why we default to certain behaviors while in a relationship Two main reasons relationships don’t last The non-negotiable habits of couples in strong, healthy relationships The mindset shift couples need to make for their relationship to survive and thrive 00:00 Intro 01:10 Stan’s background 02:57 Why we choose who we choose 10:30 Two main reasons relationships don’t last 18:02 Attachment theory & why we stay 23:24 Interdependency 26:29 Purpose-centered love 34:42 Creating a relationship that survives and thrives 41:32 Relationships are a team sport 48:16 Prioritizing repair 54:10 Avoid working on each other; only the problem Links: Website | thepactinstitute.com Instagram | @drstantatkin Sponsors: Cozy Earth | Use code GROVES for 40% off sitewide at cozyearth.com Create the Love Cards | Use code CTLCARDS15 for 15% off at createthelove.com/cards Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Transcript

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0:00.0

Relationships are an abstraction. They don't actually exist. You can't take a picture of a relationship,

0:05.4

just people. So a relationship is made up in our heads, which is beautiful. We just have to make sure

0:10.0

that we're making up the same thing. Hi, I'm Mark Groves. I'm a human connection specialist and founder

0:15.7

of Create the Love. At an early point in my life, I became obsessed with understanding relationships,

0:23.5

the intricacies of how people connect.

0:32.3

And through this exploration, I have created a life and a business dedicated to learning out loud and exploring how we interact with each other and the world.

0:37.8

This podcast brings the world's top thought leaders, spiritual luminaries, physicians, scientists,

0:43.1

researchers, bestselling authors and health and wellness experts under one roof to discuss the good, the bad, the messy, and of course the beautiful parts of the human experience.

0:48.8

Welcome to the Mark Groves podcast. I can't wait to dive in with you.

0:57.0

Welcome to another episode of the podcast. Today I am honored to have Stan Taken.

1:01.0

So I would like to describe you as a relational ninja in some way

1:06.0

because your ability to deconstruct and reconstruct not just the architecture of a relationship,

1:13.8

but also the emotional nuances.

1:16.9

Like I was reading just the description of what you do, a clinician, researcher, teacher,

1:22.2

developer of a psychobiological approach to couples therapy.

1:26.1

And when it was describing PACT, it says a polytheoretical, nonlinear approach to diatic

1:31.2

systems that integrates developmental neuroscience arousal, the regulation and attachment theory.

1:35.8

And I was like, I'm going to have to regulate my arousal for the many scientific terms that

1:39.9

were used in this.

1:40.8

I love it.

1:42.0

I'm so excited to have you here.

1:43.6

That's meant to attract clinicians to

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