241. How To Break Toxic Patterns & Reclaim Your Power In Bed

Honeydew Me

Cassandra Anderson

Self-improvement, Education, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 533 Ratings

🗓️ 19 November 2025

⏱️ 59 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Most of us don’t realize we’re in a toxic pattern until we’re deep in it — choosing the same partners, having the same fights, or falling into the same role over and over again. In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Joy Berkheimer, psychotherapist and relationship expert, to talk about why these patterns feel so familiar, why they’re so hard to break, and how to finally choose something healthier. If you’ve ever wondered “why does this keep f*cking happening?” this conversation will hit home. We cover: Why toxic patterns feel familiar and why that’s the problem. Joy breaks down why your brain and body are drawn to what they already know, even when it’s not good for you. How to actually recognize a pattern while you’re in it. The subtle signs and behaviors that show you’re repeating an old story. Why your nervous system keeps you stuck. How fear, comfort, and old survival responses pull you back into the same dynamics. What breaking a toxic pattern really takes. The realistic, day-to-day shifts that help you choose differently, even when it’s uncomfortable. How to tell if your intuition is speaking… or if it’s anxiety. Joy explains the difference so you can stop second-guessing yourself. What “not abandoning yourself” looks like in real relationships. How to stop minimizing your needs or shrinking to keep the peace. Why change feels scary, lonely, and messy. And why that discomfort is actually a sign you’re doing the work. How to reconnect with the version of you who knows they deserve better. Joy shares tools for rebuilding self-worth and choosing healthier connections. Connect with Dr. Joy: On her website HERE! On Instagram HERE! ⁠Learn more about Honeydew Me 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠ ⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	One in a million.
0:02.0	You're a jam shine when the light grows dim.
0:04.3	See one.
0:04.9	One, two, three, four, three, two, one.
0:08.0	Because no one can do it like we do it, like who we do it, like we do it, like we do it.
0:12.3	Like we do it.
0:15.6	Like we do it.
0:15.7	My neck.
0:18.9	Correct.
0:19.3	Your back hurts, Miss Sculliosis.
0:21.7	It's my lower back, you swine.
0:24.1	I sent Emma this ad because she has scoliosis.
0:28.7	Hot girls have scoliosis.
0:31.3	Hot girls have scoliosis.
0:32.5	And it's literally just a back brace that it's like, this will cure scoliosis.
0:37.2	And all the comments are like, that's not how that works. It's not will cure scoliosis and all the comments are like
0:38.2	that's not how that works my spine is curved it's it's it's a snake spine i don't have bad posture
0:44.6	i have 18 degree curvature in my spine but it was just so funny so i'm like here fixed it you're
0:51.7	welcome fix it you're welcome no noed it. You're welcome. No.
1:01.4	No. I still have scoliosis. And also, I have my name, which, hi, I'm Emma. And I'm Cass.
1:10.8	And this is Honeyduty Me podcast where we talk about sex, relationships, mental health, all of the things that tend to feel harder than they should. No pun intended, am I, right?
1:13.0	But we're told they should be fucking easy.
	...

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