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When she first came into the picture, I was what I believe about four or five in that area, she came in.

And I was acting out really bad. Apparently, I was a really bad a really bad kid growing up

and her from the get-go was what I believe

really sour towards me. so growing up with once she came in the picture it was really I didn't feel safe I felt I was always walking on eggshells. I was always treated different than my little brother. And there was often really whenever I would act up there was often really harsh punishments in my opinion. I didn't eat a lot as a kid and she would pretty much make me stay at the table until I finished my whole plate and when that would make me throw up she would make me the same amount again and make me eat it again.

So for a while I had a sort of a eating disorder and where if I didn't finish my plate I would have a

middle breakdown from that and just growing up for the rest it was never

feeling heard by her if there was ever anything going on in my life, I didn't feel safe to tell her because it would always turn into me getting in trouble.

And it got to the point where my dad would stop believing me and believing only her side.

And so I just really felt unheard and I shrank into a really big depression and I started acting out in ways that would just fix the pain.

Yeah, so you're a little girl. You have been abandoned by pretty much everybody.

You're really in grief because when we lose a parent, it is grief, you know, so you've lost really lost your actual mother even though you've never really known her you're trying to survive and then you have a stepmother that comes in and forces you to eat food. And the interesting thing is when we're in trauma, our nervous system is on high alert and so it actually causes our digestive system to not work in the way it should and so the fact that you didn't eat very much it's probably all connected in with this nervous system response and so you probably didn't want to eat. I mean I know I'm the same if I'm in a stressful situation my

digestion goes out the window. So you're you're forced to eat a plate of food and

...