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Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

234. "We have $100k+ in debt. Will we ever enjoy life?" (Part 1)

Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi

Relationships, Society & Culture, Investing, Business

4.63.1K Ratings

🗓️ 11 November 2025

⏱️ 75 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Imani (52) and Michael (65) have been married for 24 years—and they’re drowning in nearly $126,000 of consumer debt despite earning over $250,000 a year. Imani, a disciplined attorney who tracks every dollar, feels trapped by Michael’s unchecked spending on electronics and his laid-back approach to money. She dreams of travel, freedom, and a life that finally feels generous, while he insists everything’s fine as long as the bills get paid. With resentment growing and Imani nearing her breaking point, Ramit challenges them to face the truth: Can they pay off their debt, rebuild trust, and start enjoying life again—or are they too stuck in old patterns to change? A special thanks to Facet for sponsoring this episode. Right now, Facet is waiving their $250 enrollment fee for new annual members. And if you invest and maintain $5,000 within your first 90 days, they’ll add $300 to your brokerage account. Head to facet.com/ramit to see which membership—Core, Plus, or Complete—is right for you. (Ramit is not a member of Facet, and he has an incentive to endorse Facet as he has an ongoing fee based contract for cash compensation based on this endorsement. All opinions are his own and not a guarantee of a similar outcome.) In this episode we uncover: • Why Imani regrets combining finances after 20 years of marriage • How Michael’s promise to “put the money back” reveals a lifetime of avoidance • The stark contrast between Michael’s military discipline and total lack of structure at home • What happens when one partner outgrows the other in ambition, discipline, and self-development • Why Imani admits she’s embarrassed to be in massive debt at her age • Michael’s habit of buying cars and electronics to celebrate milestones • How their $268,000 income still leaves them feeling broke, anxious, and behind • Why Imani clings to control and spreadsheets while Michael tunes out completely • How both partners confront the question: Can they rebuild trust and create structure before it’s too late? Chapters: (00:00:00) “Did you go to Best Buy again?” (00:17:34) “I don’t think I’ve ever planned anything in my life” (00:24:43) “Every time we had a kid, he bought a car” (00:36:48) Ramit breaks down their numbers (00:44:33) “We make way too much to be this stressed about money” (00:56:21) “I don’t want to do life by myself” (01:10:51) Can a couple this far apart still find common ground? This episode is brought to you by: Gusto | Try Gusto at https://gusto.com/ramit and get 3 months free when you run your first payroll DeleteMe | If you want to get your personal information removed from the web, go to https://joindeleteme.com/ramit for 20% off Notion | Try Notion, now with Notion Agent, at https://notion.com/ramit Wildgrain | Get $30 off the first box — PLUS free Croissants in every box — at https://wildgrain.com/ramit LMNT | Get a free 8-count Sample Pack with any LMNT order at https://drinklmnt.com/RAMIT Links mentioned in this episode • Join my Money Coaching program for monthly help: https://iwt.com/moneycoaching Connect with Ramit • Get my new book, Money For Couples • Get Money Coaching with Ramit • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.

Transcript

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0:00.0

When my wife and I were planning our honeymoon, we decided we wanted to invite our parents for the first leg of our trip.

0:07.4

We decided to take them all to Italy, and we mapped out exactly how we wanted everybody to feel.

0:14.2

We wanted them to feel a sense of awe visiting beautiful churches for my mother-in-law.

0:18.8

We wanted relaxed downtime for my parents. And I personally

0:22.2

wanted a hands-on tactile cooking class for all of us to do together. We had a vision and we built

0:29.2

that trip around it. And I got to tell you, I did not want to do the normal trip. My time is too

0:35.1

important to land in a city and then go to Expedia.com to find the most

0:39.7

popular sites. I want magical memories that are personalized for my family and me. I want to see

0:45.9

things that are going to change our lives. I want to take a food tour and see beautiful design

0:50.1

because I love architecture and textiles and I want it to be relaxing.

0:55.0

If you want these kind of trips and you want to personalize them for your interests,

1:00.4

then I want to show you behind the scenes of how I plan incredible trips.

1:05.6

On November 20th, at 8 p.m. Eastern, I'm going to walk you through how I plan vacations that are part of my

1:12.5

rich life. You're going to walk away with real numbers to book magical trips. You're going to

1:18.2

understand where to cut and where to spend more. And I'm going to give you word forward emails

1:23.9

that celebrities send to hotels and restaurants before they arrive just to give

1:29.4

you a peek behind the curtain of how high-end travel is done. Don't miss it. This event is free for

1:36.0

my money coaching members, which you can join right here at IWT.com slash money coaching. What do you

1:42.2

think about this debt? It's terrible. It's frustrating and sad, and it makes me want to cry and scream and fight. Are you angry? I'm angry at Michael. I'm angry at myself. My relationship with money is not a good relationship. He's at point now where he should be able to retire, but he can't. I don't think I've ever planned anything in my life. I don't want to work till I'm 75. I also want us to be able to travel and live our rich lives. At this age, I thought we'd already be there. Do you believe that you'll die with your debt? It's going to be a stretch. There was a time, one time where I considered taking my purse and my keys and walking out. I'm at my wits in.

2:18.4

I don't want to keep doing this.

2:20.7

Imagine making great money, but still being in debt.

2:24.8

Where's the money going?

...

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