234. Q+A : "Help! I've Never Had An Orgasm..."

Honeydew Me

Cassandra Anderson

Self-improvement, Education, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 533 Ratings

🗓️ 1 October 2025

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience. The Question: “I’m 23 years old and have never had an orgasm. I have a wonderful boyfriend, whom I very much enjoy having sex with, but cannot finish, and have not been able to with the other people I’ve slept with. I also masturbate relatively frequently, and have tried a few different toys, and manual stimulation as well. I recently talked to my friend about this, who suggested watching porn to see if this helped, but I really just couldn’t get into it. I have a pretty active brain, and sometimes will struggle to be fully in the moment. Even when I’m turned on, and enjoying it, I don’t know if I’m able to be fully present. Am I broken? I know you usually say that everyone is different, but I often find sex and masturbation feels “nice” with smaller pockets of pleasure. My boyfriend is great, and priorities making me feel good with going down on me, encouraging me to use toys when we’re together etc, but I still can’t. Is it possible that I just am not capable of orgasming? I’d really appreciate your opinions and advice." What We Cover in This Episode: Not having an orgasm doesn’t mean you’re broken. We break down the orgasm trap and explain how pressure can make it harder to cum. The biggest orgasm blockers. Stress, shame, “shoulds,” and a wandering mind are some of the most common things that get in the way. How to get out of your head during sex. Grounding tools and easy practices to bring your brain back into your body. Pleasure beyond your usual go-to's. Why focusing only on our go-to's (like penetration) can stall your pleasure and what else to explore instead. Fun ways to shake up your routine. From massage to toys to new locations, we share fresh ideas to make intimacy exciting again. How to talk to your partner about orgasm struggles. Scripts and conversation tips that make asking for support feel sexy instead of stressful. Why small wins matter more than the big O. Celebrating little pockets of pleasure helps you build confidence and move closer to orgasm. When to call in the pros. Pelvic floor PTs, sex therapists, and sex-positive doctors can help work through deeper blocks. Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE! ⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	I like you're a jam shine when the light grows dim.
0:04.3	I like your jacket today.
0:19.2	Thank you.
0:20.1	Thank you.
0:20.2	If you are on our Patreon, which everyone should be, it's this big, like, brown fuzzy thing
0:26.3	that I actually like successfully thrifted because I'm not successful at drifting almost ever.
0:31.6	But it reminds me because it takes up my entire video of this like national geographic thing that my sister sent me.
0:40.5	And it's Fat Bear Week in Alaska because all these bears are getting ready to hibernate.
0:45.7	So they're all puffy and fluffy and that is me.
0:48.4	And I said that's every week in my home.
0:51.0	Fat Bear Week.
0:52.4	Fat Bear Week.
0:53.6	Fat Bear Week brought to you by Emma Norman and HoneyDoMe Podcast. Welcome. Aps of fucking Lutley. I think there are a lot of things that we can be inspired by when it comes to fashion. And I can't think of a better thing than fat bears. Than fat, fat bears. Fat, fat bears. Yes. Yes.
1:13.4	Anyway, hi.
1:14.8	Welcome to Honey to Me podcast.
1:21.8	This is a space where we talk about sex, relationships, friendships, shame, things that feel sticky and that we don't want to feel sticky.
1:24.8	And we're just not really sure if we're the only ones in the world that are feeling that way. But it sure does feel like it. It sure does feel like it because it's scary to talk about it. It's scary to admit when something feels different or something didn't go the way that you wanted to because we're told sex and relationships. And our mental health should all come relatively easy. And if it doesn't, you're probably broken. But the thing is, you're not broken. Or everybody else in the entire
1:48.8	world is broken. Maybe we're all broken together. But that's okay. That's what we're here for
1:52.6	to help you walk through the harder things, pun intended, while we're right there with you.
1:59.9	Yes. Absolutely. And you can be right there with us
2:04.1	on so many planes. So this is one of them. Another one is like we mentioned to be a Patreon, which we have
2:11.4	so many amazing downloadables. Most recently, we just put out Dirty Talk 101, which is a whole complete guide to how to dirty talk, how to find your vocabulary, how to find what kind of like persona you want to claim in the bedroom, how to set up your vibe.
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