#232: Why Do I Miss My Ex Now That I’m Dating Someone New? (Ask Steph)
On Attachment
Stephanie Rigg
4.9 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 12 February 2026
⏱️ 7 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about why old feelings can resurface when you re-enter the dating world, and what to do when that catches you off guard.
In this episode, we explore:
- Why missing your ex after a breakup can show up later, not earlier
- How dating again brings up fresh comparisons — and why that’s so normal
- The difference between missing your ex and missing familiarity, comfort, or routine
- Why comparing a new connection to a long-term relationship is often distorted
- How not to spiral or make meaning out of these feelings
- What to do instead of panicking or second-guessing your breakup
If you’re otherwise excited about someone new and this has thrown you, this episode is a reminder to slow down, stay grounded, and trust that this experience doesn’t have to mean anything is wrong.
Links
- Going through a break-up? Register for my free breakup training here.
- If you’d like to submit a question for a future Ask Steph episode, I collect them via my weekly Instagram Q&A — come find me there and drop yours in.
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. |
| 0:04.0 | In today's Ask Steff episode, I am answering the listener question of, I've just started dating |
| 0:09.9 | someone new and all of a sudden I miss my ex. |
| 0:13.5 | Help. |
| 0:13.9 | What does this mean? |
| 0:14.9 | What do I do? |
| 0:16.4 | So I think this is a situation that a lot of people will relate to. |
| 0:20.0 | And my short answer is, |
| 0:21.7 | this is very common. So don't be alarmed. Don't freak out. I think when we go through a |
| 0:28.5 | breakup, our primary focus is getting over our ex and moving our life forward, turning a new |
| 0:35.1 | page, a new chapter and figuring out who we are independent of that relationship. |
| 0:40.3 | And I think that can be a very beautiful season. |
| 0:43.8 | But it's a season where we have a lot of control ultimately over the situation. |
| 0:49.3 | And for most people, you're not going to go straight into dating after a breakup. |
| 0:53.6 | And so there is this sense of almost a |
| 0:56.0 | little cocoon that you can put yourself in where you can really focus on your own well-being, |
| 1:02.4 | on taking great care of yourself. And maybe you are doing some grieving as part of that. |
| 1:08.1 | There's this conscious letting go and self-devotion during that post-breakup period, |
| 1:12.9 | or at least hopefully that's what you're doing. That's certainly what I advise people to do after a |
| 1:17.4 | breakup. When we start dating again, we suddenly step back into this arena of relationship. |
| 1:24.5 | And that brings with it all sorts of challenges. And while it can be really exciting and |
| 1:29.8 | energizing and enlivening, it can also present us with this fresh wave of grief and a newfound |
... |
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