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Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

228. “I’m 30, broke, and tired of budgeting”

Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi

Relationships, Society & Culture, Investing, Business

4.63.1K Ratings

🗓️ 30 September 2025

⏱️ 104 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Kristen (30) and Josh (36) married just last year, but their honeymoon phase is buried under $40,000 of debt and a sense of being “trapped.” Kristen is meticulous, tracking every dollar and carrying deep guilt around spending—even on herself. Josh, meanwhile, shrugs off the stress with a “we’ll figure it out” attitude, though his impulse purchases and nicotine habit don’t help. With 82% of their income tied up in fixed costs, they’re left with almost nothing for fun, savings, or their dreams of a bigger space for pets and cars. Kristen is exhausted from budgeting every penny, while Josh wonders if more discipline is really the answer. Can Ramit help them break free from the cycle of guilt, fear, and deprivation—and finally learn how to enjoy life while paying off debt? In this episode we uncover: • Why Kristen describes her daily life as feeling “trapped” by debt and second-guessing over small purchases • How Josh’s role as the “ignorant reassurer” undermines their partnership • The moment Kristen admits she feels like the “manager” of their household finances, while Josh feels like an “employee” • Why 82% of their income goes to fixed costs • How Josh’s nicotine habit consumes nearly all of their guilt-free spending • Kristen’s pride in maintaining her cars and what it reveals about her resourcefulness • The trade-offs Kristen faced leaving a toxic job for lower pay • How Josh’s childhood poverty and lessons in “patience” continue to shape his money mindset today • Kristen’s upbringing in a family of secrecy and mixed financial messages • The deep guilt Kristen feels about spending and the quiet fear Josh carries that he’ll “never get ahead” • How Ramit challenges them to imagine freedom beyond budgeting and debt payoff Chapters: (00:00:00) “I feel trapped by $50” (00:19:44) Ramit breaks down their numbers (00:36:45) “Zero interest… but still stressed” (00:43:45) “We packed coolers instead of eating out” (00:51:54) “When money gets hard, I just work harder” (01:06:08) “I want a partner, not an employee” (01:13:31) Turning side hustles into new income (01:19:45) “What do we do with too much money?” (01:28:44) Choosing how to design their Rich Life (01:36:03) Where are they now? Kristen and Josh’s follow-ups This episode is brought to you by: SonderMind | Go to https://sondermind.com to get matched with the right therapist in less than a week ZocDoc | Download the ZocDoc app for FREE at https://zocdoc.com/ramit then find and book a top-rated doctor today #sponsored Factor | Get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box at https://factormeals.com/ramit50OFF with code RAMIT50OFF Shopify | Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/ramit Facet | Facet is waiving their $250 enrollment fee for new annual members, and for my audience, Facet is offering $300 into your brokerage account if you invest and maintain $5,000 within your first 90 days. Head to https://facet.com/ramit to learn more about which membership option is best for you Connect with Ramit • Get my new book, Money For Couples • Get Money Coaching with Ramit • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.

Transcript

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0:00.0

I feel so trapped.

0:00.9

Can you tell me what trapped looks like in your daily life?

0:04.0

Having to second-guess yourself, if you spend this $30, $40, $50. With everything's being so expensive that it doesn't seem like I could ever get ahead to have that freedom. I'm like, oh, I really like this. And Josh would be like, get it, just get it. It's fine, babe. We have the money. We get to this checkout and it's like $50 over what I intended to spend.

0:21.9

It feels like I'm a manager.

0:23.5

And if you're a manager, then what is Josh? get it. It's fine, babe. We have the money. We get to the checkout and it's like $50 over what I intended

0:21.3

to spend. It feels like I'm a manager. And if you're a manager, then what is Josh? An employee. I don't want an employee. What do you want? A partner. How much you spend per month on nicotine? $300. Okay. So you guys are spending essentially 100% of your guilt-free spending on nicotine, nothing else?

0:37.9

I want to spend it all.

0:39.4

There's a difference in, you know, being happy. essentially 100% of your guilt-free spending on nicotine. Nothing else?

0:37.9

I want to spend it all. There's a difference in, you know, being happy. Yeah, be happy now,

0:43.2

but also be happy in the future. It's just hard, you know, to live like that. It's impossible.

0:50.3

This episode is going to feel different because it is different. I know that most of the couples on this podcast often earn more than the median household income.

0:59.5

And I love talking to them because there are very few places where you can hear high earning couples speaking candidly about money.

1:07.0

But I also want to show you people earning lower incomes because their stories are real,

1:11.9

and I want you to hear what specific challenges they face. It is personally important for me

1:17.2

to share as many diverse stories as I can on this show, different situations, different ages,

1:22.6

geographies, sexual orientations, and incomes. So today, you're going to hear from Kristen, who applied because

1:30.4

she didn't see herself represented on this show. And I love that. She and her husband, Josh,

1:36.2

earn about $65,000 combined, and she wanted to know what options are available to couples like

1:42.7

them. At first, their story sounds familiar. One partner

1:45.9

is stressing out about money, the other's brushing it off and avoiding it. But when Josh opens up

1:50.5

about his past, what he reveals really surprised me. And I think it will surprise you too.

1:56.3

Before we dive in, let me open up Kristen and Josh's conscious spending plan, which breaks

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