224. It’s Not Just You: Relationships Are Harder Than Ever—Here’s Why

Honeydew Me

Cassandra Anderson

Self-improvement, Education, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 533 Ratings

🗓️ 23 July 2025

⏱️ 61 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Why do relationships feel so DAMN complicated these days? Modern love comes with sky-high expectations—partners are expected to be our best friend, therapist, co-parent, and soulmate all rolled into one. In this episode, Nicholas Velotta, Ph.D. student and Head of Research at Arya, shares why relationships feel harder today, what the science of intimacy has to tell us, and how building community (and redefining partnership) can take the pressure off and bring the spark back. What We Cover in This Episode: Why relationships feel harder than ever. Nicholas explains the cultural and social shifts that have added new layers of pressure to modern love. The myth of “one person meeting all your needs." How expecting a romantic partner to fill every role—friend, confidant, cheerleader—sets us up for frustration. The power of community for your love life. Why friendships and support systems are essential for a healthy relationship + how to build them. Redefining partnership and effort. We talk about the natural ebb and flow of giving and receiving, and why sometimes it’s okay to carry more of the weight. Taking action when things feel stagnant. Small, research-backed steps to break out of disconnection and rebuild intimacy. What the latest intimacy research has to teach us. Nicholas shares findings from his work on the tools couples need to stay connected long-term. How Arya is reshaping relationship and sexual wellness. A look at the couples platform helping partners strengthen their bond and stay curious. Sign up for Arya HERE *affiliate* Connect with Nicholas HERE! Follow Nicholas on Instagram HERE! Follow Nicholas on TikTok HERE! ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more!⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, you're a gem shine when the light grows dim.
0:04.3	See one, two, three, four, three, two, one.
0:08.0	Because no one can do it like we do it, like who we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it.
0:16.4	Because no one can do it like who we do it like we do it like we do it like we do it.
0:20.0	Hello and welcome to Honeydumee Podcast. I'm Emma.
0:24.8	And I'm Cass, and this is our podcast where we talk about sex, relationships, mental health,
0:29.5	all the nitty-gritty bits of your body that tend to feel a little bit embarrassing.
0:33.2	Emma just shamed the shit out of me over something I shared with her.
0:38.8	You are so sassy and I love it. It's hilarious. I'm mad. I thought she was going to be
0:44.5	able to relate. That's, here's the thing. You know, we share a lot of vulnerable stuff on here.
0:49.5	And every single time there is somebody who's like, yes, I get it. Because I talked about once how like my vulva falls asleep sometimes. And you were like, I don't fucking know what you're talking about. And then we got a ton of DMs like, me too, bitch. And like, amazing. But after Emma's reaction to my little story, I think I'm going to wait to share it until I have a little bit more confidence. We'll say it has to do with wiping.
1:13.5	And we'll go from there.
1:14.8	We'll go from there.
1:16.1	We'll go from there.
1:17.0	We'll see how I feel.
1:17.9	We'll put a pin in it.
1:18.5	Yeah.
1:19.0	For sure.
1:19.9	That sounds great.
1:20.7	I'm going to bring up the thing I said just before this,
1:23.8	which is we're here to share the burger.
1:27.8	Burger. We are here to share the bar. The burger. Barger.
	...

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