222. “My husband is my 4th child. Will he ever help?”

Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi

Relationships, Business, Investing, Society & Culture

4.6 • 3.1K Ratings

🗓️ 19 August 2025

⏱️ 102 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Fernanda (44) and Jorge (48) have been married for nearly 25 years, raising three children, including one with lifelong special needs. Despite earning $130,000 a year, they consistently spend more than they make, and only have $300 in savings. Fernanda juggles multiple jobs and manages every detail of their finances, a responsibility that has left her physically ill from stress. Jorge works nights and picks up odd jobs, but avoids financial planning and defers almost everything to Fernanda. Fernanda dreams of a stable, less exhausting life where she and Jorge are true financial partners. Can Ramit help them confront old patterns, create a sustainable system, and secure a future for their family—especially their son’s lifelong care? In this episode we uncover: Why Fernanda says she’s “physically ill” from the stress of managing their money alone. How Jorge’s laid-back optimism turns into financial avoidance—and leaves Fernanda carrying the full weight. The $13,000 air purifier scam—and what it reveals about their spending habits. How Fernanda’s history of homelessness and working from age 13 shaped her need for control. Why Jorge, who didn’t work until 25, still struggles to engage with financial decisions. The emotional toll of raising three children, including one with lifelong special needs, while buried in $350,000 of debt. What happens when Fernanda tries to share her complicated spreadsheets with Jorge—and why it never works. Ramit’s challenge for Jorge to take concrete steps toward shared ownership of their finances. Fernanda’s vision of a stable, less exhausting life—and the boundaries she’ll need to set to get there. Chapters: (00:00:00) “If nothing changes, I’ll end up in the hospital” (00:19:41) “It feels like impending doom” (00:24:18) “It pisses me off that money could break us” (00:37:32) Ramit breaks down their numbers (00:58:08) “It’s a joke in the family that I have four kids” (01:15:59) “I want a partner, not just a paycheck” (01:20:40) Red alert: only $311 in savings (01:35:29) Where are they now? Fernie and Jorge’s follow-ups This episode is brought to you by: ZocDoc | Download the ZocDoc app for FREE at https://zocdoc.com/ramit then find and book a top-rated doctor today #sponsored Wildgrain | Get $30 off your first box—PLUS free croissants in every box at https://wildgrain.com/ramit. Trust & Will | Protect what matters most in minutes at https://trustandwill.com/ramit and get 10% off plus free shipping. Upwork | Visit https://upwork.com to post your job for free and connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. Gelt | Book a tax consultation with Gelt at https://joingelt.com/ramit. As a member of my community, you can skip the waitlist. Links mentioned in this episode • Get my Free Money Made Easy Mini Course at https://iwt.com/moneypod Connect with Ramit • Get my new book, Money For Couples • Get Money Coaching with Ramit • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.

Transcript

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0:00.0	It's a joke in the family, too, that I have four kids instead of three. Pretty apparent. I don't know why I'm not engaged with money. I don't want people to see him, like, as my child. I don't want that disrespect. In my mind, it is working. But in my heart, I know it's not. Do you understand that I will stay on this call for five years before I speak and make it easier for you. You're leading this, not me. I try
0:22.0	sometimes, but yeah, it always backfire. It kind of pussed me off because our relationship is so great,
0:28.6	but because he acts more like my kid instead of my partner, and that kind of pique me off,
0:33.9	that finances or that money would break our marriage. Today is one of the most difficult
0:40.2	conversations that I've had on this podcast. And I want to apologize in advance for losing my
0:45.8	temper a couple of times. I always want to make this a welcoming conversation, even if I disagree
0:51.7	with some of the things that my guests say. So I'm going to ask you
0:54.9	to be respectful in the comments. Remember that it takes a lot of courage to come on this show.
1:00.6	Today, I'm speaking with Fernie and George. They're 44 and 48 years old, married for 25 years,
1:06.6	and every month, they spend more than they make. Fernie applied because as the sole person who manages their day-to-day finances,
1:14.7	she feels like she is failing their three children, one of whom has special needs.
1:20.0	She's desperate to get George to help her manage the money, but nothing seems to work.
1:25.4	He just won't do it.
1:26.9	I'm looking at their conscious spending plan right
1:28.8	now, which breaks down their net worth, income, and where they spend their money. You can download
1:33.2	and create your own conscious spending plan or CSP at IWT.com slash CSP. Assets, 331,000, investments,
1:43.4	$12,000. Savings, $331,000. Investments, 12,000. Savings, $311. That's a huge red flag.
1:50.1	Debt, $313,000. Total net worth is $31,000, and their gross monthly income is $10,000.
1:59.7	By the way, their fixed costs are at 95%, which is completely unsustainable.
2:07.3	Let's get into today's conversation. Ferdie, I understand that you and George are raising three
2:11.8	children and one has special needs and money has been a big concern for you.
2:19.8	If nothing changes from the situation you are in today, what will happen?
	...

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