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Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

221. “I’m almost 40 and still living paycheck to paycheck”

Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi

Relationships, Business, Investing, Society & Culture

4.63.1K Ratings

🗓️ 12 August 2025

⏱️ 96 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Romy (38) and Travis (37) are a married couple living in Cape Town—but despite earning over $130,000 a year, they’re constantly running on empty. Romy feels the crushing weight of managing everything alone, while Travis avoids financial planning and insists things will “just work out.” Together, they’ve repeated the exact same dynamic Romy grew up with—right down to the hidden savings and anxious sleepless nights. Can they stop playing financial whack-a-mole and finally build a system that supports their future dreams, or will history keep repeating itself? In this episode we uncover: • Why Travis believes he can always “go fishing” to make money—and how that mindset creates instability. • How growing up with financial chaos shaped both of their attitudes toward money and planning. • The emotional weight Romy carries by being the only one thinking about the future. • Romy’s secret UK savings account—why she kept it hidden, and what happened to the money. • Their chaotic approach to buying property—and why they can’t clearly say if it’s for living or investing. • How disorganized thinking shows up in everything from taxes to tipping the valet. • The truth about their emergency fund (or lack thereof)—and the very real risks they face. • Why Travis’s role as the “reassurer” actually prevents change—and how Romy feels trapped by it. • How Ramit challenges Travis to redefine generosity without spending money. • The first steps they take toward rebuilding trust and creating a shared financial system. I’m casting couples right now for a new season of this podcast. If you’ve been wanting to get my advice on your situation, this is the last chance to talk to me in 2025. Apply now at iwt.com/apply Chapters: (00:00:00) “I tapped my card and it said insufficient funds” (00:09:23) “I’m living the same financial life as my parents” (00:18:13) Ramit breaks down their numbers (00:38:14) The weight of taking on the “man’s” role (00:52:48) “I’ve been poor before—I’ll be poor again” (01:02:08) Living on hope, not numbers (01:12:05) “We’re doing this together” — building a new financial identity (01:28:56) Where are they now? Romy and Travis’s follow-ups This episode is brought to you by: Doola | Go to https://doola.com/ramit and use code RAMIT for 10% off LLC formation and bookkeeping. Facet | Facet is waiving their $250 enrollment fee for new annual members, and for my audience, Facet is offering $300 into your brokerage account if you invest and maintain $5,000 within your first 90 days. Head to https://facet.com/ramit to learn more about which membership option is best for you. DeleteMe | If you want to get your personal information removed from the web, go to https://joindeleteme.com/ramit for 20% off with promo code RAMIT at checkout. Rocket Money | Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way at https://rocketmoney.com/ramit. LMNT | Right now, LMNT is offering 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order. Get yours at https://drinklmnt.com/RAMIT. Links mentioned in this episode • Get tickets for my next live events—September 14 in Atlanta and September 26 in Los Angeles—at iwt.com/events Connect with Ramit • Get my new book, Money For Couples • Get Money Coaching with Ramit • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

I'm like almost 40 and I'm in the situation still. I'm going to tap my card and there's nothing

0:04.9

there and it says insufficient funds. I think because we've always been able to work, I've never

0:10.4

worried about it. My parents were always worried about money, like always worried about money.

0:15.2

And then 10 years ago my dad died and my mom was left without even $1. That caused a lot of anxiety.

0:22.8

Romi, you've said you're carrying the full financial and emotional burden.

0:27.9

Do you feel like you are in a true partnership?

0:31.2

No.

0:31.6

I'm upset.

0:32.9

I'm upset hearing it spelt out of me and I'm upset that my wife feels that way. I think lately I've

0:38.5

become a bit like almost like hopeless. You don't know your own income. You fight about $5

0:42.8

expenses and by the way your investments are $45 off of $130,000. This is a major problem.

0:49.8

Listen to what this couple wrote in their application. We don't have much savings, and I often lie awake

0:56.1

at night worrying. When I try to sit down with him, it often ends in an argument. My mom was a

1:02.4

warrior and my dad an avoider. The day my dad passed away, suddenly my mom was left with zero

1:10.0

dollars. Today I'm speaking with Romi and Travis.

1:13.3

They've been married for six and a half years. They live in South Africa. Romi carries the

1:17.5

burden of planning and saving and worrying. Travis avoids responsibility, spends freely.

1:25.5

They've repeated the exact same pattern that Romi grew up watching,

1:30.0

and now she is desperate to break it. Let's take a look at their numbers. We're going to go

1:35.2

through their conscious spending plan or CSP, which you can download for free at IWT.com

1:41.1

slash CSP. Their income is $130,560. Asets, $146,055. Investments are only $45. That's surprising.

1:54.6

Debt is $148,617. Total net worth $2,983.5. Fix are very high at 76%. Savings are at 4%. And guilt-free spending is at

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