221 - The Perfect Daughter Trap: Learning Who You Are Without Them w/ Vevian Vozmediano
Adult Child
Andrea Ashley
4.9 • 1.9K Ratings
🗓️ 11 March 2026
⏱️ 67 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
You don't know who you are because you were too busy being who she needed you to be.
Viviana Vozmediano is a trauma-informed coach who works with women who grew up with emotionally unavailable mothers - and she's speaking from experience. After spending her childhood as a Jehovah's Witness trying to be the perfect daughter to earn her mother's love, she was excommunicated and lost her entire community overnight.
✨ What this episode explores
▪️Why Being the "Good One" Never Works — How becoming the easy, rule-following child was never about being good, but a strategy to earn love that was never available on those terms
▪️The Grief of Losing Someone Who's Still Alive — What it means to mourn a parent you can still call but can't actually reach, and why no one prepared you for that kind of loss
▪️When Your Whole Identity Belongs to Someone Else — How growing up performing for an emotionally unavailable parent can leave you with no idea who you are once the performance stops
▪️Why a Healthy Relationship Feels Like the Hardest Thing You've Ever Done — How finally being safe with someone can surface everything you suppressed to survive the relationships that weren't
▪️What Happens When You Lose Everyone Overnight — How being cut off from your entire world creates an abandonment wound so deep it keeps you in the next bad situation for years
🎧 If this episode resonated, you might also love:
- Ep 136 | Healing the Mother Wound: Why It Hurts and How We Begin to Heal w/ Bethany Webster
- Ep 103 | Religious Trauma & Abuse w/ Dr. Laura Anderson
- Ep 161 | Abandonment Trauma Expert Susan Anderson on Rejection and Equating Love with Insecurity Connects
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You can spend a lifetime trying to earn a love that was never supposed to cost you anything. |
| 0:07.5 | My name is Andrea, and this is Adult Child. |
| 0:15.8 | Yeah, hey, no. |
| 0:17.0 | What's you holding on to? |
| 0:20.0 | Let's just let it all go |
| 0:22.0 | What's making you slow now? |
| 0:25.2 | Let it on go. |
| 0:27.4 | What's you got to do, yeah? |
| 0:28.8 | Welcome back to a little child, where we take a deep dive into the impact of growing up in a dysfunctional family. |
| 0:35.5 | Ahoy, my dear shit shows. |
| 0:37.9 | For any new listeners, my name is Andrea. |
| 0:40.9 | I am a total incomplete shit show. |
| 0:43.2 | I am an adult child. |
| 0:44.1 | I have an alcoholic and dysfunctional family. |
| 0:45.5 | And if you're wondering what the hell an adult child is will allow me to tell you. |
| 0:49.8 | So an adult child is somebody who's unresolved childhood wounds surface and play out in adulthood |
| 0:56.3 | and not in a good way, okay? |
| 0:58.9 | Not in a good way. |
| 1:01.5 | People pleasing, approval seeking, an overdeveloped responsibility for others, a fear of angry |
| 1:07.2 | people in any personal criticism, a deep fear of abandonment, fear of authority figures, |
| 1:12.8 | a tendency to struggle with substances or other addictive behaviors, or to be attracted to people |
| 1:18.6 | with substance abuse issues or other addictive tendencies, an addiction to negative excitement, |
... |
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