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Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

220. “I carry the baby, the bills, and the stress”

Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi

Relationships, Business, Investing, Society & Culture

4.63.1K Ratings

🗓️ 5 August 2025

⏱️ 101 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Monica (36) and Michael (33) have been married just over a year and are navigating the pressures of new parenthood—but Monica feels like she’s doing it alone. She pays the rent, covers childcare, and works a demanding job, while Michael juggles three jobs and carries shame about his income and past financial mistakes—including an eviction he never told her about. Despite a recent 50% salary increase, Michael didn’t share the news, reinforcing Monica’s sense that she’s carrying the emotional and financial load. Can Ramit help them rebuild trust, communicate transparently, and step into a true financial partnership? In this episode we uncover: • Michael’s quiet shame about earning less • How an eviction early in their relationship shattered Monica’s trust • The $95K salary increase Michael never told her about • Why Michael’s “Swiss Army knife” mentality is sabotaging their relationship • What Monica really means when she says she wants a financial partner • Why transparency is still a major hurdle • The emotional gap in their relationship, and how it’s showing up in everything from birthday celebrations to debt payoff plans • What finally shifts when Michael shares his debt-free timeline Chapters: (00:00:00) “I feel like a leech” (00:18:28) Ramit breaks down their numbers (00:25:56) “I got a 50% raise…and didn’t tell her” (00:33:24) Why she’s always the last to know about his money (00:42:59) The secret that shattered her trust early on (00:46:26) He paid off half his debt—but still struggles to celebrate it (01:00:03) Torn between faith and financial goals (01:04:38) When earning more still isn’t enough (01:26:25) Are they finally rowing in the same direction? (01:35:17) Where are they now? Monica and Michael’s follow-ups This episode is brought to you by: Fabric by Gerber Life | Join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply today in just minutes at https://meetfabric.com/ramit. Masterclass | For unlimited access to every class and 15% off an annual membership, go to https://masterclass.com/ramit Factor | Get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box at https://factormeals.com/ramit50OFF with code RAMIT50OFF Netsuite | Download the free e-book 'Navigating Global Trade: Three Insights for Leaders' at https://netsuite.com/ramit OpenPhone | Get 20% off your first 6 months at https://openphone.com/ramit Links mentioned in this episode • Get tickets for my next live events—September 14 in Atlanta and September 26 in Los Angeles—at iwt.com/events Connect with Ramit • Get my new book, Money For Couples • Get Money Coaching with Ramit • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

I'm paying literally all of the rent, all of the utilities for a while I was working these crazy hours.

0:06.0

I would be home with the baby overnight. Like, okay, this is all on me.

0:10.0

I'll say for myself that I do feel inferior at times. I feel like a leech.

0:13.0

You'll probably see Michael shut down at some point.

0:17.0

It's being defensive and protective and hiding behind the weight of everything versus being able

0:22.2

to ever come up for air.

0:23.2

I was like, do I want to marry this person?

0:25.2

Am I ready?

0:26.2

Can I trust him?

0:27.2

I have no idea how this guy really manages his money.

0:29.1

I just feel like I'm always still trying to catch up to be part of the table and not

0:35.0

always feel like I can be at the table.

0:36.6

My bigger issue is not paying anything towards rent and utilities for so long.

0:41.6

Is this working for you?

0:43.0

No.

0:43.9

Listen to this line from their application.

0:46.4

He feels like a non-partner.

0:49.3

And I'm starting to get resentful about how uneven our finances are for supporting our household. Michael works three jobs,

0:56.4

yet Monica earns more and she's paying for all the household expenses, including child care

1:02.5

and vacations, everything. And today I'm speaking with both of them. Monica's 36, Michael is 33.

1:08.3

They've been together for two years, married for one, and they just had their first

1:11.9

child together. Now, I am not a parent, but I have spoken to many, many couples. And we all know

...

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