216 - How Trauma Becomes Sexual Compulsion: Shame, Betrayal & Technology Addiction w/ Duane Osterlind
Adult Child
Andrea Ashley
4.9 • 1.9K Ratings
🗓️ 4 February 2026
⏱️ 77 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Duane Osterlind is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist – and the host of The Addicted Mind. He specializes in helping individuals and couples impacted by sexual compulsion, porn addiction, and betrayal trauma. His Shame to Resilience group program helps men who've caused sexual betrayal learn to regulate their shame so they can finally show up with the accountability, empathy, and remorse their partners need to heal.
✨ What this episode explores:
▪️Technology Created a New Kind of Addiction We Don't Know How to Treat Yet — Why early exposure to high-speed internet porn rewires developing brains differently than any generation before, and how phones and games use the same mechanisms to collapse the space between impulse and action.
▪️How Childhood Trauma Becomes Sexual Compulsion — The pipeline from hero/caretaker roles to dismissive attachment to using sexual arousal as the only escape from loneliness; why men especially learn to shrink their emotional lives and self-soothe through isolation.
▪️How Betrayal Is About Stolen Consent — How deception and gaslighting in relationships cause legitimate post-traumatic stress; why betrayed partners aren't "stupid for not seeing it," and what it means when someone destroys trust while still deeply loving you.
▪️Shame-Based Accountability Doesn't Work — Why the person who caused harm has to do their own shame work first before they can show up for their partner; how "compassionate accountability" is the only way through, and why shame can only heal when it's witnessed by others.
▪️The Four Phases of Healing Betrayal — The predictable 3-5 year journey from crisis to scaffolding to safety-building to repair, and why partners need to see consistent, trustworthy behavior over time before post-traumatic growth can begin
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Betrayal may shatter our faith in others, but it should never shatter our faith in ourselves. |
| 0:06.9 | My name is Andrea, and this is Adult Child. |
| 0:14.9 | What's your holding on to? |
| 0:19.8 | Just let it all go |
| 0:21.2 | What's making you slow now? |
| 0:24.4 | Let it all go. |
| 0:25.7 | Welcome back to an adult child, where we take a deep dive into the impact of growing up |
| 0:31.0 | in a dysfunctional family. |
| 0:33.0 | Ahoy, my dear shit shows for any new listeners, |
| 0:38.1 | the name is Andrea. |
| 0:40.7 | I am a total incomplete chit show. |
| 0:46.3 | I'm a adult child of an alcoholic and dysfunctional family who realized this at nine years sober after dating two alcoholics named Brian back to back. |
| 0:50.0 | If you have not heard that story, you need to do so. |
| 0:52.7 | Go listen to my very first episode. |
| 0:55.7 | And yeah, this is the podcast where we talk about what the hell to do when you realize |
| 0:59.6 | that your childhood screwed you up more than you initially thought. |
| 1:02.8 | We curse here. |
| 1:03.5 | You've been warned. |
| 1:04.1 | I'm an acquired taste. |
| 1:05.0 | You've been warned. |
| 1:06.0 | Welcome to this hot mess of a ship. |
| 1:08.7 | So today, folks, we are diving deep with therapist and host of the podcast, |
... |
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