214 SelfWork: Three Ways to Govern Your Emotions (Rather Than Them Governing You)
The SelfWork Podcast
Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
4.8 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 15 January 2021
⏱️ 30 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
If there’s ever been a time when we need to manage our emotions, it’s now. None of us are sure what these next few months will bring – or even 2021 – and that’s true on many fronts. So this week’s podcast is on managing your feelings. The term for doing this in psychology is emotional intelligence, aka EQ. Here's the definition: the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.
Here are the three questions you'll find the answer to today!
1) Does one emotion govern you more than others? And if so, how that might be leading away from actual regulation and more toward instability?.
2) What are some actual things you can do to self-soothe or to learn how to not to react to your emotions, but to respond to them?
3) What to do if you don’t like the way you feel and want to change it.
The listener email today is from someone who strongly related to the fairly recent podcast on trauma bonding. She wanted to know a little more about it – and so I’m answering her question and telling about what I’ve learned both personally and professionally.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
Article on leadership and emotional intelligence
SelfWork podcast on understanding and recognizing triggers
SelfWork podcast on becoming an emotional grownup
Dr. Michael Yapko's book Hand Me Down Blues
Daphne Kingma's book Coming Apart
An article in Well And Good about signs that a trauma bond is forming
You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Our Sponsors: * Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | This is self-work and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. |
| 0:13.0 | At self-work, we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world |
| 0:19.0 | and what to do about them. |
| 0:20.0 | I'm Dr. Margaret and self-work is a podcast dedicated to you taking just a few minutes today for your own self-work |
| 0:29.3 | Hello and welcome or welcome back to self-work. I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford, a |
| 0:33.8 | psychologist out of Fayette, Arkansas, and I started self-work over four years ago in |
| 0:38.6 | order to extend the walls of my practice to those of you who might already be quite comfortable with emotional |
| 0:44.2 | or psychological issues but would love another perspective to those of you who've |
| 0:48.6 | just been diagnosed with anxiety or depression or you're having some kind of |
| 0:52.3 | relationship problem you're |
| 0:53.4 | struggling with but also to a third group to those of you who really don't know much |
| 0:58.4 | about therapy except you'll say oh I'd never darken the door of one of those people. |
| 1:03.0 | Well, I'm one of those people, and I hope you're curious enough today to listen to self-work. |
| 1:09.0 | I'm glad all of you are here. |
| 1:11.0 | You know, if there's ever been a time when we need to manage our |
| 1:14.4 | emotions it's now. None of us are sure what these next few months will bring in fact even |
| 1:19.4 | all of 2021 and that's true on many fronts. So this week's podcast is on managing your |
| 1:25.6 | feelings or what's termed emotional intelligence in psychology. And here's a |
| 1:30.7 | working definition. The capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions |
| 1:36.5 | and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathically. |
| 1:41.6 | There are several aspects to it which we'll go over and each one of them |
| 1:44.2 | can actually be a podcast in and of itself, but you know me I like kind of to the |
... |
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