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We're Here to Help

212: Sh*t Show & The Fancy Dorris Football League

We're Here to Help

Headgum

Comedy

4.94.5K Ratings

🗓️ 29 September 2025

⏱️ 63 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

It's the day after the Super Bowl and we have a winner! Listen to the end of the episode to find out who won the first ever Pickle and Chip Classic. Plus, the guys help an accidental voyeur and a fantasy football league commissioner in need of a rebrand.

Sara, 38, Philadelphia is looking for a friend! Think you could be a good match? Submit to the Friendship Game by emailing the show or fill out the following form: https://tinyurl.com/friendforsara

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Want to call in? Email your question to helpfulpod@gmail.com.

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

This is a headgum podcast. and we're here to help we're here to help

0:24.7

and we are back back this is a gareth sweet jesse and jake monday and folks the boys. Buckle up.

0:39.2

Button up.

0:40.7

If you're driving a car, make sure your seat belt is buckled.

0:44.7

If you're about to go on a roller coaster, have the fella come over and make sure that little

0:48.1

groin thing is really locked in there on you.

0:51.2

If you're alone with the kid, make sure they're not near the edge of the cabinet.

0:57.2

Because when you hear what's going to happen, they're going to fall off.

1:00.1

If you're in a garage and you kind of turn it into a half locker room with a jih Tzu dummy,

1:05.5

make sure the padlock is locked and the keys close by.

1:09.6

If you're eating a weird sausage, make sure you chew it a bunch because you can choke to death.

1:14.7

All right?

1:15.2

What we're saying is if you're at a convertible, you can have the top down, but don't get comfy.

1:20.8

What we're saying is if you go to Turkey for a hair transplant surgery, make sure the needles

1:26.6

going into your head don't go too far in because they'll kill you today,

1:29.8

baby.

1:30.0

And bring a second passport, baby, because you're a new you, baby.

1:34.4

And the guy's not going to recognize you at TCA.

1:37.6

He's going to go, who's this hairy guy?

1:40.1

I saw a bald guy in this photo.

1:42.6

Today is the day you're going to find out what happens on the pickle and chips match.

1:48.2

This is the follow-up.

...

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