209. Triggered in Marriage, Parenting, or Friendship? How to Respond Without Overreacting OR Shutting Down

The Best of You

Dr. Alison Cook

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 958 Ratings

🗓️ 21 May 2026

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

What if getting “triggered” isn’t the problem… but a signal? We all have moments where our body reacts fast—your heart races, your defenses go up, and suddenly you’re not responding from your wisest self. In this episode, Dr. Alison sits down with Dr. Kelly Flanagan to explore what’s really happening in those moments—and how to respond with more clarity, connection, and intention. Together, they unpack what’s happening behind reactivity and what it looks like to interrupt that cycle in real time. You’ll learn: Why being triggered is a normal nervous system response How to notice your reactions before they take over The difference between protection mode and connection mode How to set boundaries without escalating conflict Why an open heart leads to wiser—not weaker—boundaries If you’ve ever felt stuck in reactive patterns in your relationships, this conversation offers a grounded, compassionate way forward. More Resources: Order Dr. Kelly Flanagan’s new book, The Road Less Triggered. You can preorder Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, and immediately receive the first 3 chapters as well as early access to the companion guide! Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram Curious what Family Role may have shaped you? Take the Family Role Quiz to learn how you may be showing up in your relationships with others. Want to hear more like this? Start here: Episode 203: Staying Close When Connection Feels Hard: The Relationship Skills No One Has Taught You Episode 180: When People Push Your Buttons — The Power of Curiosity Over Control 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Aqua Tru - Join 98% of customers who have made their drinking water cleaner, safer, & healthier by visiting AquaTru.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get 20% off today! StoryWorth - Give your loved ones a unique keepsake you’ll all cherish for years—Storyworth Memoirs! Right now, save $10 or more during their Holiday sale when you go to StoryWorth.com/BESTOFYOU! MOSH - Head to moshlife.com/BESTOFYOU25 and subscribe today to get 25% OFF your first Variety Pack and 20% off your monthly subscription with code BESTOFYOU25. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	When was the last time you stopped and listened to your body?
0:03.0	Here's a Holland and Barrett ad break to do just that.
0:06.0	Go on. Have a listen to your gut.
0:10.0	Is that a gurgle?
0:12.0	A rumble?
0:14.0	Is it straining after lunch?
0:16.0	Or is it saying...
0:18.0	You've got to show me love.
0:24.4	We know what your body's asking for.
0:27.1	In store online on the app.
0:29.7	Back your body, Holland and Barrett.
0:31.9	The first step is that our nervous system activates.
0:33.2	That's the physical response.
0:36.1	The second step is that our heart closes to what's happening.
0:39.9	We enter a state of resistance and defensiveness about what's going on. And then the third stage of being triggered is that we choose to let that happen.
0:43.0	And usually when that happens, we actually escalate the entire cycle, the entire pattern, and the entire response.
0:49.5	The practice of open-heartedness was changing the people around me even when they didn't know I was practicing it.
0:55.0	What I say now is that you don't have any power over your people, but you have tremendous power around your people.
1:05.0	Hey everyone, and welcome back to this week's deep dive episode of The Best of You. I'm Dr.
1:12.1	Allison and I'm so glad you're here with me today. This conversation is such a good one.
1:19.0	I thought about it for days after we recorded. We both stumbled on a couple of just wise
1:25.0	truths that really will stick with you. We're talking about what happens
	...

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