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On Attachment

#204: Why You Keep Repeating the Same Relationship Patterns

On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.9 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 2 September 2025

⏱️ 21 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Ever look back at your dating history and realise you’ve basically been in the same relationship over and over again — just with different people? Maybe you thought you’d learned the lessons, yet somehow the same dynamics keep playing out.

In this episode, we’re unpacking why these patterns form, why they feel so hard to break, and how you can start shifting them. We’ll explore how your early experiences shape an unconscious “blueprint” for love, how your nervous system pulls you toward what feels familiar (even when it’s not healthy), and the beliefs that keep certain dynamics on repeat.

I’ll walk you through a process for spotting your own relational through-lines, interrupting the cycle, and expanding your capacity for the kind of steady, reciprocal love you deserve.

Whether you’re in the thick of another “same story, different person” relationship or reflecting on past patterns, this episode will give you clarity, compassion, and practical steps to move toward something different.

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Transcript

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0:00.0

You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

0:19.7

I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,

0:22.8

and I'm really glad you're here.

0:28.8

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. In today's episode, we are talking

0:34.5

about why you keep repeating the same relationship patterns and dynamics.

0:39.8

So this is going to be something that a lot of people will relate to whether you're actively

0:44.3

dating at the moment and you feel like you're cycling through different versions of the same

0:48.6

person or maybe you've had a series of long-term relationships in your life that upon reflection have a similar

0:55.6

look and feel to them. I think that this can be a point of frustration for so many of us,

1:01.1

particularly when we like to think that we're doing the work and we're cultivating more

1:06.8

awareness and intentionality around it. And yet we gravitate towards similar dynamics that

1:14.2

are maybe not in alignment with what we are desiring for ourselves and our relationships.

1:20.2

And I think that that can be somewhat disheartening when the thing that we say we want is so far

1:26.5

from the thing that we end up becoming attached to.

1:29.4

And yet this is something that so many of us will have experienced and will relate to.

1:34.0

And so in today's episode, I want to dig into that a little more, why it is that we might be

1:40.2

drawn to, we might gravitate towards people, feelings, dynamics, patterns that are not what

1:46.7

we say we want or that are not healthy or that are not in service of our deeper desires around

1:52.4

partnership. Maybe you keep finding yourself going after people who are really, really

1:57.7

affectionate and loving at first and then suddenly ghost you, or you keep

2:01.9

finding yourself in relationship with people who have a lot of unhealed trauma or other heavy

2:07.9

burdens or untreated addiction, so many different things, that again, it's not like we're

...

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