203. Staying Close When Connection Feels Hard: The Relationship Skills No One Has Taught You (with Relationship Expert Dr. James Cordova)

The Best of You

Dr. Alison Cook

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 958 Ratings

🗓️ 9 April 2026

⏱️ 49 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What if the health of your relationship is shaping more of your life than you realize? We spend so much time focusing on our individual growth—our healing, our self-awareness, our inner work. But at some point, that work has to find its way into our closest relationships. And that’s where things often get complicated. In this episode, Dr. Alison is joined by Dr. James Cordova to explore what it actually looks like to build and sustain healthy, connected relationships over time—and why it’s so much harder than we expect. Because the truth is, relationships aren’t neutral. They’re either strengthening and supporting your overall well-being…or quietly eroding it. If you’ve ever felt close to someone you love… and also strangely disconnected, this conversation will help you understand why. You’ll explore: Why relationships are more foundational to your health than you might think What actually happens as intimacy shifts over time—and why it’s not a sign something is wrong The “porcupine dilemma” and why closeness and hurt often go hand in hand How small, everyday moments either build or erode connection What it means to respond to bids for connection—and why they matter more than you realize How mindfulness and presence shape the quality of your relationships What to do when you feel stuck, disconnected, or like you’re the only one trying This conversation offers a compassionate and practical reframe:Healthy relationships aren’t about avoiding conflict or getting it right all the time. They’re about learning how to stay present, stay curious, and stay connected—even when it’s hard. More Resources: Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram Read Dr. James Cordova’s Book: The Mindful Path to Intimacy: Cultivating a Deeper Connectin With Your Partner Want to go deeper? Join 80,000+ soul menders in our email community and receive weekly reflections and gentle practices here. Want to hear more like this? Start here: Episode 115: 4 Ways to Transform Your Relationship—Expert Tips to Heal Pain Points and Deepen Intimacy Episode 148: Dan Allendar on Healing, Intimacy, and Hard Fights Episode 137: The Mindful Marriage with Ron and Nan Deal 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! AirDoctor - Did you know the quality of oxygen you breathe affects your brain which in turn your thoughts? Eliminate 99.9% contaminants in your home with AirDoctor by visiting AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get UP TO $300 off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Jamie Lang and Sophie Haboo have arrived on Disney Plus.
0:04.0	We're having a baby.
0:06.0	We're having a baby.
0:07.0	I've always wanted to be mom.
0:09.0	And we're bringing you on our journey through everything.
0:12.0	I have no idea what we're doing.
0:13.0	Thank you. I have more of an idea.
0:15.0	I think of it like a Tamagocchi.
0:17.0	At the end of all of this...
0:20.0	We're going to have a little baby.
0:21.8	Raising Chelsea, a Hulu original series streaming exclusively on Disney Plus.
0:27.3	18 plus subscription required T's and T supply.
0:30.1	The quality of your relationship is either helping.
0:33.4	It's either the rising tide that raises all health boats or it's hurting.
0:37.6	It is never neutral.
0:39.1	At the heart of mindfulness is this idea that attention is the most basic form of love.
0:47.2	And whatever we're paying attention to is the thing that we are nurturing.
0:51.4	You're busy doing your thing and I walk in and I'm like, hey, I was thinking
0:54.5	about this thing. That's a bid. Hey, let's be here together in this moment. And when you can show up
1:00.4	in that moment with me, then that waters those seeds of connection. The challenge is that if most of the
1:08.3	time when I show up in bid, you either ignore me or you get mad at me
1:12.7	because I'm interrupting you, then I stop doing it.
	...

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