You're fired. You can't fire me. I quit. You can't quit. You can't quit. You can't quit. You can't quit. You're a frog. Hey, we're recording the podcast. Shut up.

Good morning to you, wherever you are, because it is morning, somewhere.

For April 13, 2020, 6, my name is Birding Burns, sitting right over the air. Lovely, he's always attached to Burns, lovely on a Monday. How are you? Oh, you say nice things to me. I was going to have some kind of cute little, pithy little intro, but I just looked at you. So you were thinking about being mean, and then you thought, I'll be nice today. Mean? Is it thinking you mean? I dare you. No, that's one of the best parts about being like in a really like long-term relationship. Is most of like the sweet things we say to each other or just mean things? One of the best parts? There's multiple parts to me. This might be interesting. I wanted to play this for you. Let's see. This is a voicemail that came in over the weekend. We'll play it and then see if we all reach the same conclusion here. This is someone who had advice for us for raising our heart rate when we're on the treadmill. I was playing God of War. Did I talk about that on the podcast or was that sponsor? I'm not sure. You've mentioned it. 85 miles? No. Nice work. On God of War Ragnarok. Here we go. Hey, Bernie. Hey, Ashley. I've got a life hack for you guys. Do you ever want to raise your heart rate while walking on the treadmill? Just watch MLB while you're on there. The Houston Astros absolutely fucking suck right now. Our bullpen is terrible. Everyone's hurt. Watching Brian Debrau throw away the ninth ending every goddamn time. I'm on the fucking treadmill watching this. It feels like I'm sprinting. My heart rates at like 135. But I'm walking at two miles an hour. So yeah, just a life hack for you guys. Thank you later.

My heart goes out to all Houston sports fans, all of you. At a very high beats per minute, apparently. So I'll just say this. I'm not sure that wasn't me on the voice. That's what's weird about that to me. So is that me? I wonder if the transcription software will identify that person as me. Well, here's the question. Same voice complaining about Houston sports.

Right, but I mean... transcription software will identify that person as me. Well, here's the question. Same voice complaining about Houston sports.

Right, but I mean, would that work for you?

Because as a fan of the Dodgers who buy their wins, right?

Are you going to do anything with your heart rate?

Are you just like going to be walking on the treadmill chilling with however many millions

they've spent?

Well, I'm now at the point in God of War, rag and a rock, where I've got to, like, do all these skill-based fights, and that's not fun. That's hard on the treadmill. Yeah, that's where you kind of, like, have to maybe take it off the treadmill, because I feel like treadmill is really good for open-world games when you're like running around or covering long distances or if you've got turn based stuff where the, the difficulty, the challenge is in strategy rather than like really specifically having to like, you know, aim like a shoot or something. I feel that's really, really difficult to do on a treadmill. So there's different types of games that are suitable for the treadmill.

Once you get to like really specific challenges that need your total focus, that can be

dangerous on a treadmill.

Can be really dangerous.

Have you ever fully ate shit while walking on a treadmill and playing a game?

You know, it's weird. I feel, yes, short answer is yes. Uh, I feel like, though, where I've done the most damage is trying to recover, you know, and I should just, like, jump off the treadmill. And instead of, like, trying to, like, resume my gate, that's what gets me. Um, I think the most damage I've ever done that was like I like, I drop the controller for some reason. Like, usually when I, what happens is I'm walking. It's always my left foot. I'm not sure why. It's my left foot. I step on the side, but my, so my left foot stops moving and my right foot continues to move, which is bad for a human body. And then sometimes I stumble, and then a couple times I've dropped the controller.

And then the controller's like on the conveyor belt,

about to shoot off the back.

And it's like, I'm trying to like juggle it like with my feet to where I came. You what? Yeah, I know. Just let it shoot off the back. This is the recovery part that I'm talking about. And then I end up like stumbling even worse than jumping off. But no, I haven't eaten shit so far. I haven't done the, uh, like, land on my

back and fire off the back of the hell. But it, I haven't eaten shit so far. I haven't done the, uh, like land on my back

and fire off the back of the head. But it's also not going, it's not going that fast either. Yeah, that's true. No, I've, uh, I found, especially when I was getting used to it, it's like I had to have the speed way down when I was getting used to it because the idea of controlling, like the controller and stuff with my hands

and focusing on the screen while also moving my feet. That was a very foreign thing. Like my body

...