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The Bert Show

2: Vault: She Plans On Getting Married For All The Wrong Reasons

The Bert Show

The Bert Show

Society & Culture, Comedy, News, Entertainment News

4.14.4K Ratings

🗓️ 10 February 2026

⏱️ 7 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Vault: She Plans On Getting Married For All The Wrong Reasons

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

The Bert Show.

0:01.7

Previously on The Birch Show.

0:03.7

You're getting married this weekend?

0:05.2

I hope so.

0:06.0

Well, I don't know who it's going to be yet.

0:07.3

I'm turned 21 on Wednesday, and my grandfather, who is a really, really successful businessman,

0:13.7

put something in his will that all the grandkids, when they turn 21 or by their 21th birthday,

0:19.3

if they're married, then we receive $100,000.

0:22.7

Yeah, and the thing is that they've always done really well, and, you know, I've been taken

0:26.3

care of, and we get another payout when we're 25, so never really, like, was out my mind,

0:31.2

and I guess that's why I didn't explore serious relationships and all that, but so I've decided

0:36.1

that, I don't know, like ask a friend or find somebody and go to Vegas

0:40.8

and I'll give them a payment.

0:42.6

I think he'll give him like $5,000.

0:44.3

And I think that's a decent amount because, you know, we don't have to stay married

0:47.5

a particularly long time.

0:48.8

Now, I will stand corrected on something I said Friday because I said, what guy in his

0:53.5

right mind would, when a woman initially approaches them with a crazy idea like this, maybe you have one drink together, maybe on the second one, she says, look, I got to tell you something. This was my mission tonight. Will you marry me and let's go to Vegas? What guy in his right mind is going to go for five grand? Sure, let's go. I got so many

1:11.1

emails over the weekend from guys wanting her phone number. Yeah. Oh, I didn't hear you say that because I would have, yeah, I would have done that if I was younger and single. You're like 22 years old. You'd have done that. Five grand. It's cash, tax free, money in the bank, bye-bye. No way. I actually, you are out of your mind, and you're local.

1:27.7

I actually checked.

1:28.8

I had personal friends, People that... I know. Come on. Seriously. I'm sure. Hit me up and say, no, it wasn't him. Okay. It wasn't check away. That's who I thought of too. No, personal friends who are nominating their sons.

1:45.3

Nominating their sons?

...

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