Hello, hello, and welcome to do the work podcast. My name is Sabrina Zohar and I will be your host along this lovely journey on all things anxiety dating and what doing the work actually means.

I'm so excited today. We are talking about texting and dating. I was actually shocked because this was the number one requested topic to cover on the podcast.

We are going to top cover all the other topics like avoid an in anxious, what does do the work actually mean, but for this week the number one request was texting and dating.

So let's dive on in, shall we?

Texting and dating, the hottest topic I think I have ever fucking covered on anything in TikTok and anything that has to do with that.

So where do we even begin with this? I would say let's start at the beginning.

I think the common misconception when it comes to texting and dating is everybody is trying to play by these arbitrary rules and no one has any idea what the fucking rules are, do we?

So it's really comes down to like communication styles, love languages, all of those variables and all of those nuances.

And I think oftentimes people are so strict on one thought process that they're not even willing to entertain another thought process.

And that's kind of what I encounter a lot when I'm working with clients or just anybody that I'm talking to is I totally get it.

We all have needs and we all want to feel loved and we all want to feel adored and we all want to feel appreciated.

But when it comes to texting and dating, especially in the earlier phases, there is kind of a method to the madness when it goes and works to this because you don't want to be so fucking full on.

So let's like dive right into this. What do I mean when I say stop texting incessantly in the beginning because it creates a false sense of intimacy?

So at the basics, you meet somebody, you match with them online. We have all been there when you match with somebody and you guys are chatty, Kathy, you're so excited, you're so stoked.

Oh my god, this person is so much to talk about. You're texting and you're texting and you're texting and you're texting and you're texting and you're texting.

Now in a fairy tale and in a Disney world, I would love for this to work out, but unfortunately that's just not the reality because what this does is it creates a false sense of intimacy and it creates a relationship that truthfully doesn't even exist.

Now when you are texting incessantly with somebody, you can't really go anywhere from there. So if you started a hundred, there's no going any higher.

So when I first personally, when I first start to talk to somebody, I used to. I used to be that person that would fucking text endlessly and build this entire relationship.

And then you show up on the first date or whatever and you're kind of like, I'm confused. Where is this really awesome, funny person I've been talking to this whole time?

And this isn't just a gender of men and women. This is all people do this.

And I created an entire scenario and a version of this person that I thought they were in my head, which wasn't actually who they were.

And so I think in the beginning stages, that is one of the most dangerous pitfalls that we fall into because avoidant and anxious love to feed off of each other.

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