meta_pixel
Tapesearch Logo
Log in
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears, 1 Happy Ending w/ Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears 1 Cave

Society & Culture, Comedy

4.823.2K Ratings

🗓️ 11 August 2025

⏱️ 69 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

SPONSORS: - Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BEARS! #trueclassicpod - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS The Summer Bears are back and Chris Distefano and Stavros Halkias are fully locked into their takeover of 2 Bears 1 Cave. With Stav in a floral shirt and Chris squeezed into a Darryl Strawberry jersey, the two dive headfirst into tales of the wild ‘86 Mets, Kevin Spacey offering unsolicited shoulder rubs, and the horrifying science of ALS—because what’s funnier than degenerative nerve disease? Stavvy also gets a massage from Chrissy, we learn about Lenny Dykstra's podcast rates, and the guys debate polyamory, prostitutes, and just how many years Bert Kreischer has left. Speaking of Bert, he sends the guys a morbid video asking them to predict which comedian friends are not long for this world. Plus, Stav makes a strong case for becoming a Japanese-style husband, Chris recounts a near-affair that lasted 12 seconds on the LIRR, and together they fantasize about future threesomes with suspiciously supportive fans. Is it a good episode? No. Is it packed with fake current events, conspiracy theories, open marriages, and physical touch? You bet your bottom dollar it is. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 301 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:42 - Baseball Greats, Kevin Spacey, & ALS 00:10:31 - Reading Fan Comments 00:27:20 - Swingers, Cucks, & Flirty Fans 00:36:33 - Montreal Screwjobs & Polyamory Shenanigans 00:44:58 - Trisha Paytas Baby Theory 00:51:34 - Comedian Death Pool 01:00:49 - Chrissy Massages Stavvy 01:07:23 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

100%

0:01.2

What's up everybody?

0:07.0

Welcome to yet another summer.

0:10.6

Two bears, one cave episode.

0:13.0

I'm Chrissy.

0:13.6

That's Stavi.

0:14.4

We're here.

0:15.8

We're chilling.

0:17.2

I'm wearing a Daryl Strawberry jersey.

0:19.1

I'm wearing a Daryl Strawberry jersey because I'm wearing a Daryl strawberry jersey

0:21.4

Stavros has got that flower shirt on so you know one thing and one thing only we're both

0:24.9

doing cocaine it's yeah we're based we're dressed like the boys of summer in two ways right now

0:30.3

yes absolutely no we you are looking good I do love Daryl Strawberry I also I was hoping this

0:36.4

wouldn't be as tight you know you you know when you put on a shirt and you only put it on standing? Right. And then you realize, oh, I'm going to be sitting in this for an hour. Yeah, but dude, but I told you this before. You, you, you pull off. Just a little of this. The weight, but I know it might not feel good for you, but it looks good on you. Thank you. That's all That's the thing. It's more about, you know, I, you know, I'm just, I need to, I'm going to lock in.

0:38.6

Listen. might not feel good for you, but it looks good on you. That's all it matters. That's the thing. It's more about, you know, I, you know, I'm just, I need to, I'm going to lock in. Listen, episode five, folks, you're going to see me. You're going to be like, who the hell is this guy? Yeah. Who the hell is this guy who has lost three pounds? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I think that you look good in it.

1:14.5

And I feel like we're now, this is the fourth episode, we're now settling in, we have taken over the show for the first whole month of summer.

1:23.6

Wow.

1:24.0

And I feel like, I feel like this is becoming our thing. And I feel like we're stepping into the stride here. Okay. You know, Tom and Bert are sending in videos that we're now ignoring. We used to comment, we used to put them all in the show, but now they're sending them in and we're just ignoring them. We're like, sorry, we got to, we have very important topics to discuss. Yeah. We got to talk about the ways Chris nuts. Yeah. You know, I'd love to get more about Dary, I mean, you want to talk about a legendary team. That Mets team doing cocaine, getting their dick sucked in the dugout. Oh, it's amazing. Cool team. I'm sure you've seen that documentary you about that flight they took after they walked beach Houston. I mean, Lenny Dykstra nails.

1:45.9

Dude, they, they I'm sure you've seen that documentary about that flight they took after they beat to Houston.

2:02.7

I mean, Lenny Dykstra nails.

2:12.1

Dude, they were, they were, the 86 Mets once, I was at a game when they like came back to be like honored and like the whole team was there. And like we were in the stands and we can kind of like see where they had them sitting.

2:15.9

And I mean, Dykstra was falling over. Like, he still was, I mean, just 10 out of 10 drunk. Now he'll do people's podcast, but you got to pay him. Interesting. He did Ian Findance podcast. And then he was done with like being Ian and he was like, where's my 120 bucks? Yeah. Wow. And then he was like, what? And he said to

...

Transcript will be available on the free plan in 20 days. Upgrade to see the full transcript now.

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from 2 Bears 1 Cave, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of 2 Bears 1 Cave and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.

Copyright © Tapesearch 2025.