Sri Ramakrishna describes those days in the initial days of tremendous fervor.

He says, I would cry out mother and it would seem as if my upper jaw would go to the heavens would encompass

the heavens and my lower jaw would encompass the earth and nether worlds. I would, he would continue,

he said, I would sit down for meditation and I would hear a clattering sound in my joints and joints

would get locked until the meditation would be over, would have no power to move.

Once he saw a terrible form come out of his own body, a vision, and who threatened him with a

trident so that he would finish his meditation with him before he would move.

He said, I for years together I hardly ever slept.

He said, I had no sleep in my eyes.

There was a time when he lost the power of blinking.

He stared, he said, I went to, I would go in front of a mirror and try to close the eyelids,

which, and I would be unable to close the eyelids of my eyes.

And he would weep like a child to the mother.

Mother, I loved you so, and you have given me this terrible disease.

His autism disease, everybody told him that he was crazy or he was mad.

And yet next moment he would be in ecstasy and he would feel the body is nothing.

Let the body go.

So like this, let the body go. So like this it continued.

In the meantime, his mother and his middle brother,

I mean, elder, elder brother, Rameshwar,

they all got news of their young son and his doings in the temple garden of Daksin Ashwa.

And the news they got was he's gone crazy, he's mad.

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