1KHO 654: Belonging Is a Developmental Need | Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees & Wannabees

The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast

Ginny Yurich

Kids & Family, Parenting

4.9 • 1.8K Ratings

🗓️ 19 December 2025

⏱️ 51 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Adolescence is a training ground for belonging. Rosalind Wiseman (the Queen Bees and Wannabes author whose work inspired Mean Girls) names what adults forget: wanting to be part of a group isn’t a character flaw, it’s a deep developmental need. And the stakes aren’t superficial. The way kids handle loyalty, conflict, embarrassment, betrayal, and speaking up (or staying silent) becomes muscle memory they carry into adulthood. In a world where many kids feel the “middle-class script” they were promised doesn’t pay off, that longing to belong can turn into paralysis, resentment, or disengagement—and parents are left wondering when to step in, what to say, and how to be credible again. This conversation gets beautifully practical: how to respond when your child comes home with “the story” (and you weren’t there), why forced kindness scripts backfire, and how real social learning happens through messy, unsupervised, multi-age play—especially outside. Wiseman makes a compelling case that overly adult-driven schedules (and even toxic youth sports) can shrink a kid’s identity until it collapses under pressure, while neighborhood moments expand it: friend, helper, teammate, kid-who’s-known-by-name. You’ll leave with language that lowers defenses, strengthens connection, and helps your kids navigate their social world with dignity—plus a reminder that some of the best confidence-building on earth still looks like racing Big Wheels downhill and climbing trees. Learn more about Rosalind and everything she has to offer here Get your copy of Queen Bees and Wannabees here Get your copy of Masterminds and Wingmen here Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	This episode is brought to you by Shopify. With Shopify, 2026 is the year you make it happen. It gives you the tools to build your dream store, online and in person. Plus with marketing built in, it'll help you reach exactly who you need to. Join the millions who've already made the leap, like Jim Shark and all birds, and ring in the new year with Shopify.
0:23.4	Sign up for your £1 per month trial at Shopify.com.uk.combe. Welcome to the 1000 hours outside podcast.
0:32.8	My name is Ginny Erich, I'm the founder of 1000 Hours outside. And I have the author today of Queen Bees
0:38.8	wannabes, which was the basis for Mean Girls. Also, Masterminds, Wingman, Rosalind Wiseman, welcome.
0:47.3	Thank you for having me. It's really, it's just awesome to be here. New York Times,
0:51.8	bestsellers, both of them. Can you give a little bit of your back story?
0:54.7	You talked about how you that there was books for girls and books for boys, but there really was
0:59.7	not any books about girls group dynamics. And after reading your books, it's so interesting.
1:05.4	You're like, gosh, there are deep dynamics, both for girls and boys that I'd never really talked
1:10.7	about. You know, you have
1:12.0	a brush with it because you grow up and you deal with all those different things, but no one ever
1:17.0	really puts it into words. What was your path toward that? Well, there was some academically
1:23.8	focused work on group dynamics, but frankly, they were sort of boring. And I was,
1:30.8	this was a very long time ago, can be clear that like when these books first came out,
1:34.9	well, Queen Bees especially, first came out, I was a little baby. I was, I mean, I was 29. And I wrote
1:42.4	the book when my first child was, I was pregnant, my third trimester, and when
1:47.2	he was, you know, in his first six months of life, right? So in between naps, I would write
1:51.4	as fast as I could. But I was teaching young people and it just seems so obvious to me and
1:57.4	that people weren't talking about it and the impact, the consequences of social dynamics were really important for young people in the moment.
2:05.0	And they also, by the way, it was pretty, you know, they are.
2:08.1	And I've learned this now even more over the years that the things we learn in our adolescents, like, you know, the way in which we handle conflict, the way we speak up, or the way we don't,
2:18.2	absolutely impacts us as we get older.
	...

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