199 SelfWork (Second Time Around): Trauma Bonding - When Trust Is Manipulated and Destroyed
The SelfWork Podcast
Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
4.8 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 11 January 2022
⏱️ 26 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Here's our last Second Time Around until we're back in the saddle in a few days! And we're so looking forward to what's ahead in 2022!
What's a trauma bond? How does it form? Why is it important for that dynamic to have its own label or name? Trauma bonding happens when trust is highly manipulated; when commitment and trying to make a relationship work is used against someone as a way to keep them in denial or disbelief that a relationship is harmful to them. I’ve been there. I still have never revealed all that happened in that relationship; so much of it is now such clear abuse, I’m flabbergasted I didn’t see it for what it was. But I didn’t. Until I did.
Our listener email for today is from someone who wants some answers about enmeshment and what she terms “covert narcissism” – It sounds like she’s the daughter and feels enmeshed or has been told perhaps she’s enmeshed with him. It’s very much like our topic so I thought it meshed well with the topic.
So please get comfortable and listen in to what may be a triggering episode for some of you - so listen carefully and protectively. And my gratitude to our sponsor today - BetterHelp!
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
John Kim, aka The Angry Therapist provides an article on trauma bonding
A BBC article on Stockholm syndrome
An article in VeryWellMind.discusses features of covert narcissism
Wikipedia article on trauma bonds
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then clickhere and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
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Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | This is Selfwork, and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. |
| 0:14.1 | At Selfwork, we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world |
| 0:19.0 | and what to do about them. |
| 0:20.4 | I'm Dr. Margaret, and Selfwork is a podcast dedicated to you taking just a few minutes today |
| 0:26.2 | for your own Selfwork. |
| 0:29.8 | Hello, and welcome to Selfwork. |
| 0:31.8 | I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. |
| 0:33.1 | I'm a clinical psychologist. |
| 0:34.8 | I've lived and worked in fave Arkansas for almost 30 years, and I started Selfwork five |
| 0:40.7 | years ago in order to extend the walls of my practice to those of you who might already |
| 0:45.3 | be very interested in psychological emotional issues. |
| 0:48.6 | Maybe you're in therapy as well, but we enjoy another perspective. |
| 0:52.0 | To the group of you who might just been diagnosed with something and you're looking for answers |
| 0:56.1 | or you're having a relationship issue that you just can't seem to settle or find a |
| 1:01.5 | way through, but also to a third group of you, to those of you who might sit around |
| 1:06.6 | until your friends are that therapy stuff that's for the birds, I'd never do it, but you're |
| 1:11.8 | curious enough or sadly unhappy enough to want to listen to Selfwork. |
| 1:17.2 | So welcome to all of you. |
| 1:20.2 | Here's our last second time around and we're back in the saddle in a few days, and my |
| 1:24.7 | team and I are so looking forward to what's ahead in 2022. |
| 1:28.5 | We've got some big plans, but in this episode we talk about what is a trauma bond? |
| 1:33.5 | How does it form? |
... |
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