Welcome back to the savvy psychologist. I'm Dr. Ellen Hendrickson and every week I'll help

you meet life's challenges with evidence-based research, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.

This week, forgiveness. It's one of the first lessons we learn.

A kid takes our sand toys, the kid's parent makes him give them back and say sorry.

And what are we supposed to say next?

All together now, it's okay. But as life moves along, transgressions get

bigger and more complicated. And eventually, forgiveness becomes analogous to working out every day.

It's ideal, it's healthy, and it sounds great in concept,

but it's really hard to pull off in real life.

So now, before we get too far... really hard to pull off in real life.

So now, before we get too far, let's define what we're talking about.

What exactly is forgiveness?

Essentially, it's a deliberate decision to release feelings of anger, resentment, or vengeance

towards someone who has hurt you.

The opposite, unforgiveness, is a roiling mix of resentment, bitterness, hostility, hatred, anger,

and fear.

It's a mindset, but it also has physiological consequences such as immune suppression and cardiovascular stress.

Unforgiveness isn't pleasant so we try to find ways to reduce it.

We may dig deep into denial, get revenge through retaliation, pursue justice through legal means,

create a convoluted story to explain what happened, or simply move on with life.

Or we can forgive. And forgiveness, it turns out, is pretty great. A 2009

study found that people with higher forgiveness greater life satisfaction. Not bad. But forgiveness can be a hard sell. It can feel as if

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