Hello and

every week I'll help you meet life's

Dr. Ellen Hendrickson and every week I'll help you meet life's challenges

with evidence-based research, a sympathetic ear, and

zero judgment.

Okay, for this week, what do a medieval fortress, a bald-up porcupine, and a lymphocyte have in common?

They are all pros at getting defensive. Now, when we humans are faced with criticism we often

unleash our own equivalent of flaming arrows, a ball of spines, or a cascade of

antibodies. Getting defensive helps us protect our character

and our sense of competence. When we feel like we're under attack, it makes sense that

we pull up the drawbridge and ready the boiling

oil. Sometimes we even get defensive with ourselves. It is our personal spin control.

We distance ourselves from our mistakes, blame outside forces for our

failures, and judge others in order to affirm ourselves. Or we drink or otherwise self-medicate to cope with threats to our self-image and self-esteem.

The only problem, getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. It pushes people away,

makes us look immature, and sends a message that we're unable to regulate our emotions. Now, short term, it might feel like it's all

we can do. But long term, it undermines us and our relationships. When we lash out, we dig ourselves deeper. Therefore, this week, by request

from listener Ashley and an anonymous listener, we examined five ways to stop getting so defensive.

Okay, so let's start off with tip number one, which is,

remind yourself of your deepest values. Simple reminders of your deepest values.

Simple reminders of our deepest values can make us feel less defensive.

And the best part is that it doesn't even have to be related to the criticism at hand.

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