190 SelfWork: The Power of Withdrawal
The SelfWork Podcast
Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
4.8 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 24 July 2020
⏱️ 31 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
There’s a psychological dynamic called approach/avoidance and it’s when something you desire has both positive and negative implications. But the same words are used in considering relationships, where approach/avoidance (or withdrawal) can lead to a true deadlock and constantly recycle itself, with misunderstanding, grief, hurt and resentment steadily increasing.
You might think of approach as being the more controlling of the two energies, especially if the approach is made in anger. But my observations have been that withdrawal is incredibly potent. So in today’s episode of SelfWork sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to talk about that very potency and, as always, what you can do about it.
The listener email for today is from a young woman who read a blog post of mine on perfectly hidden depression (and now has become a listener) and wants know how to find a therapist. This is probably in the top five of all questions I receive and I'll answer it today.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
The list of the fifteen most compelling movie "goodbyes"
Article written on the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – defined by Julie and John Gottman, very well-known marriage researchers.
Podcast on finding and interviewing a potential therapist
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
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Our Sponsors: * Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is self-work and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. |
| 0:13.0 | At self-work we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world and what to do about them. |
| 0:20.0 | I'm Dr. Margaret and self-work is a podcast dedicated to you taking just a few minutes today for your own self-work. |
| 0:29.0 | Hi and welcome to self-work. I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. I'm a clinical psychologist out of |
| 0:34.4 | Fayetteville, Arkansas and I'm so glad you're here with me today on the 190th |
| 0:39.6 | episode of self-work. I started self-work almost four years ago to reach out to those of you |
| 0:45.6 | who might already be very interested in emotional or psychological issues to those |
| 0:50.8 | of you who might just have been diagnosed with depression or anxiety |
| 0:55.0 | or you're having a relationship problem that you just may need a different perspective on |
| 1:00.0 | or even to those of you who would never darken the door of a therapist, I don't think you would, |
| 1:05.0 | but are just curious enough to listen to a psychologist like me and hear at least what I have to say. |
| 1:11.0 | You know, there's a psychological dynamic called approach avoidance and it's defined as |
| 1:16.6 | when something you desire has both positive and negative implications. |
| 1:21.7 | With this conflict the goals are incompatible and indecisiveness is the result. |
| 1:26.9 | Let's say, for example, your favorite comfort food is in the pantry or in the fridge or wherever and you have this desire for some comfort |
| 1:36.0 | which we probably all do at this point but you also know that your cholesterol go up or |
| 1:40.8 | you may have to walk another mile or whatever so you can be somewhat |
| 1:45.3 | indecisive because basically the goals of comfort and probably good health |
| 1:51.3 | are incompatible. |
| 1:53.6 | But it's interesting that the same words approach avoidance are used in considering |
| 1:57.6 | relationships. |
| 1:59.6 | It can lead to a true deadlock and constantly recycle itself with misunderstanding, grief, hurt, and resentment, |
... |
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