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Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

19. “My husband has been promising that we’ll buy a house in a few months… for five years”

Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi

Business, Relationships, Society & Culture, Investing

4.6124 Ratings

🗓️ 23 November 2021

⏱️ 47 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Brian is a struggling tech entrepreneur and relies on his wife, Serena, a physician with a stable income of $235,000, to support his family. Serena wants Brian to get a job and admit that his start-up isn’t working. She's extremely focused — perhaps too focused — on buying a house. Brian doesn't like saying “No” to Serena, so he evades questions and promises that everything will change "4-6 months from now," but after seven years, Serena's patience is running thin.  Can you spot the red flags?  Listen to the resentment and distrust in her voice. Brian's promises to get a job and turn things around are falling flat. What's worse is that he can't even see it.  I'm not going to sugarcoat it; it's heartbreaking to watch a seemingly successful couple totally disconnected from each other.  I'm determined to get them on the same page. Tune in to see how their story unfolds.  We started the conversation focusing on Serena’s dream to buy a house sooner rather than later, but it becomes apparent that the house is a distraction from the deeper desire to have a partner on the same page as her.  Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

With each year, my frustration keeps mounting because I feel like I'm not being heard.

0:10.0

This is not a joint decision to continue this backup indefinitely.

0:14.1

He made some jokes about me being his retirement plan and I have a bad feeling that it's happening.

0:20.2

I think that her attitude in general is negative at times.

0:28.0

Does she have a right to be negative about money?

0:31.0

Yeah, she does.

0:33.0

I was exactly afraid that if I push, I will have a very resentful partner.

0:38.0

But seven and a half years later, I am resentful.

0:42.0

So there is a resentful partner. It's just not him.

0:47.0

Hi, I'm Ramit Saiti and welcome to the I will teach you to be rich podcast.

0:52.0

Meet Serena and Brian. Serena is a 39-year-old physician.

0:56.0

And Brian is a 40-year-old tech entrepreneur.

0:59.0

For the first three years of their relationship, they earned roughly the same amount.

1:05.0

But now Serena brings in $235,000 while Brian brings in $65,000.

1:12.0

Between the two of them, they have about a million dollars invested.

1:16.0

So what's the problem?

1:19.0

Well, for the last five years, Brian has been pursuing a startup that hasn't really taken off.

1:25.0

And Serena feels that the time has come to accept that the company isn't working

1:31.0

and that Brian should get a traditional job.

1:34.0

She wants to buy a house together.

1:36.0

You're going to hear a lot about that house today.

1:39.0

Brian actually wants to buy a house too.

...

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