Hey, welcome to a new episode of the savvy psychologist. I am Dr. Ellen

Hendrickson and every week I'll help you meet life's challenges with evidence-based research, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.

Every one of us has a bad relationship tale to tell. The frog or two scattered among the

princes and the princesses. Maybe there was the guy who did his business with the bathroom door

open, or the girl who would lick utensils clean and put them back in the drawer.

Perhaps there was the one who split every joint purchase down to the penny, or the one who thought

inflatable furniture was perfectly

sufficient. Again, everyone chooses a frog once in a while, but sometimes we find

ourselves in a pattern, a string of partners that go beyond gross or

thoughtless and cross the line into unhealthy or even downright toxic.

At some point we may realize we've dated a string of frogs with the result of

decimating our self-esteem and leaving us guilty, afraid, or numb.

But worst of all, given the chance to start over, too often we pick another frog.

The partners we feel chemistry with are the ones who are all wrong for us. We're attracted to their

confidence, their laid back cool, or their financial success, but over time what we

thought was confidence, emerges as control, the attitude we thought was confidence emerges as control, the attitude we thought was laid back to

generate into sloth, and the money turns out to be no consolation for relentless greed. Why is our mate selector broken?

And can it be fixed?

This week, by request from an anonymous listener from California,

will tackle the question of why we choose people who are wrong for us and how to stop.

Okay, first, why do we do this to ourselves?

Let's consider two reasons.

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