This is the Terry Cole show and as you might have guessed I'm your host Terry Cole.

For over two decades I've been a licensed psychotherapist, love and boundaries expert, and I'm also

the founder of the Rail of Revolution and Boundary Boot Camp.

On this show I'll bring you simple strategies based on practical psychology, inspiring expert interviews,

and my own insights and observations from my time on the front lines in the fascinating world

of entertainment, empowerment, and mental health.

Now let's get going with today's episode.

Well, hello and welcome to this week's episode where I'm talking about a

topic that I'm super passionate about which is effective communication. This

episode is called Stop Being Defensive and Learn to Listen.

So on the surface, this may sound obvious to you. You may understand it and say of course

being defensive can't be good. But here's the reality.

We all do it and the question is why do we do it? How can we stop and why is it so damaging to our relationships?

So let's start with what it is.

When someone comes to you with an issue and you start to defend yourself, you feel threatened,

you immediately want to justify, give reasons why you've done what you've done. That is being defensive. Now there's all

kinds of levels, right? There's all different levels of are you a little bit

defensive which is super human or are you extremely

defensive which is really bad for your relationships because what does it do it blocks

intimacy because defensiveness as one of my mental health shiroz would tell you, Dr Harriet

learner, defensiveness is the arch enemy of listening. So I want you to really think about that because you can't do

those things simultaneously. You can't be being defensive and be effectively listening at the same time because it is impossible.

...