181: How To Get The Relationship You Deserve

The Sabrina Zohar Show

Sabrina Zohar

Society & Culture, Education, Self-improvement, Relationships, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.9 • 4.8K Ratings

🗓️ 9 January 2026

⏱️ 33 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Why do people who “try the hardest” in relationships often end up feeling unseen, resentful, or stuck in situationships? In this episode, Sabrina breaks down how people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, and anxious attachment patterns quietly sabotage intimacy. Drawing from psychology, attachment theory, and trauma research, she explains why fawning is not love but a nervous-system survival response, and how suppressing your needs leads to emotional disconnection, resentment, and unhealthy power dynamics in dating and relationships. This episode dives deep into boundaries, self-abandonment, and why being willing to walk away is the most underrated relationship skill no one teaches you. Sabrina explores how fear of abandonment, low self-worth, and childhood conditioning keep people stuck accepting breadcrumbs, avoiding conflict, and performing for love. If you’re struggling with anxious attachment, people-pleasing, situationships, or feeling lonely inside a relationship, this conversation offers neuroscience-backed insight and practical tools to help you stop losing yourself and start building secure, authentic connection. If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step HERE! If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself HERE! Get Ad free HERE!Want to work with Sabrina? HERE!Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show HERE!Don't forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on Instagram and Sabrina on TikTok! Video now available on YOUTUBE! Please support our sponsors! This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. Get 10% off your first month of Betterhelp at betterhelp.com/sabrina Give your skin a rest with clean, clinically tested skincare from OSEA. Get 10% off your first order sitewide with code SABRINA at OSEAMalibu.com For a limited time get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life. Go to Hungryroot.com/SABRINA and use code SABRINA ============================= Chapters 0:00 Why Being “Too Loving” Is Blocking Real Connection 2:10 People-Pleasing Isn’t Love, It’s a Trauma Response 5:10 Fawning, Anxious Attachment, and Self-Abandonment 8:20 Why the “Cool Girl / Easy Partner” Always Loses 11:30 Conflict Avoidance Is Quietly Killing Your Relationships 15:10 The Psychology of Power: Why Being Willing to Leave Matters 18:40 How Fear of Abandonment Keeps You Accepting Breadcrumbs 22:10 What Secure Relationships Actually Look Like (Repair Over Perfection) 26:00 How to Stop Self-Abandoning and Start Speaking Up 30:10 Tool of the Week: The Self-Abandonment Check-In Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're something that might sound a little bit backwards to you.
0:02.6	The people who find the healthiest relationships,
0:04.7	they're not the ones that are the most loving.
0:06.2	That's a common misconception. They're the ones that are willing to leave. Your inability to walk away isn't loyalty. It's not love. It's the very thing that's blocking you from being truly chosen. Because when you can't leave, you can't be honest. When you can't be honest, you can't be seen. and when you can't be seen, you can't be loved for who the fuck you actually are.
0:23.1	Hello, hello, hello! And welcome to another episode of the Sabrina Zohar Show. My name is Sabrina Zohar and I am your host. Hi, friends, welcome back! All right, babes, don't forget, comment, rate and review, share it with a friend. Oh, guys, you know the drill.
0:38.6	I am just asking for the support.
0:40.5	And I want to get into it immediately.
0:42.6	But before we do, again, I want to say thank you.
0:45.2	Thank you for being here.
0:46.3	Thank you for believing in me.
0:47.7	Thank you for allowing me to show up as me and letting you show up as you.
0:51.1	So, guys, as always, stick around for the tool of the week at the end,
0:54.4	and it's something you can literally start doing today. So without further ado, let's get right on
0:59.8	into it, shall we? All right, so today's episode is for everyone. I don't care if you're single,
1:03.6	I don't care if you're dating, I don't care if you're in a situation ship, I don't care
1:05.8	if you're in a long-term relationship, because what we're talking about applies to everybody. We're talking about why people pleasing, right, and conflict avoidance is actually blocking you from the connection that you want and why learning to walk away is the most important relationship skill that no one teaches you. And it's something I know incredibly well myself because for fucking years I was the dormant. I was the one that, like you said, jump, I said
1:28.1	how high. You told me that you didn't want anything? No worries. I will make you want it with me because that's the goal, right? And I've shared the story with you guys. Again, if you're new, welcome. I'm stoked to have you. And if you're not, that's cool. You'll hear my story again. But when I first met Ryan and we went on our date, we slept together on the first date.
1:44.6	Kudos.
1:46.6	And I knew... story again. But when I first met Ryan and we went on our date, we slept together on the first
1:44.4	date. Kudos. And I knew, like when I left, I was very honest with him. And I said, hey, I really
1:52.1	had a good time tonight. I needed to get laid. And this was a lot of fun, but I'm going to be
1:55.8	really honest with you. If you call me or you want to see me again, it's because you're actually
	...

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