178: How to Recognize Toxic Tactics, and Stop Taking the Bait

The Best of You

Dr. Alison Cook

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 960 Ratings

🗓️ 2 October 2025

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What do you do when someone’s behavior leaves you feeling small, confused, or constantly on edge? That uneasy feeling isn’t random, it’s often a signal that something toxic is at play. The Bible urges us to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves - to stay discerning, not naïve, in our relationships. Yet many of us brush off harmful patterns because we want to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or because our empathy and loyalty run deep. The problem? Those very strengths can make us more vulnerable to toxic strategies. In this episode Dr. Alison names four of the most common toxic behaviors - manipulation, gaslighting, constant criticism, and triangulation - and shows you how to recognize them before they take root. She unpacks how to tell the difference between a one-time mistake and a repeated pattern of harm, and she offers practical tools to protect yourself without losing your compassion. In this episode, we explore: The difference between mistakes and toxic patterns 4 common toxic behaviors and what they look like in real life The core root beneath toxic strategies How to deal with false guilt and set yourself free If you’ve ever struggled with guilt, second-guessed your instincts, or felt trapped in a cycle of blame, this conversation will give you language, clarity, and hope for moving forward with wisdom and strength. 📥 Grab your 3 free Boundaries For Your Soul resources here 📥 Download Alison’s free printable with the five boundary tools when you sign up for her weekly email. Here are some other episodes you might like : Episode 2: What Should I Know About Gaslighting? Episode 110: How to Be Wise When People Are Difficult—Biblical Strategies For Keeping Your Emotional Health & Mental Sanity 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Thanks to our Sponsors! Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. Check out cozyearth.com and use code BESTOFYOU to get 45% off. Sleep cooler, lounge lighter, and embrace your cozy days with Cozy Earth. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Music by Andy Luiten While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everyone, I'm Dr. Allison, and I'm so glad you're here to discover what brings out the best of you.
0:11.7	This podcast is all about breaking free from painful patterns, mending the past and discovering our true selves in God.
0:19.7	I can't wait to get started as we learn together how to
0:22.4	become the best version of who we are with God's help. Hey, everyone, and welcome back to this
0:30.8	week's episode of The Best of You. I'm so glad you're here with me this week. I'm so grateful for
0:36.5	so many new listeners who are finding the
0:39.5	podcast. It's just so great to see so many of you joining me each week as we come together
0:45.9	in this work of soul mending, of becoming the healthiest version of ourselves, emotionally, mentally,
0:53.9	and spiritually. And recently, I
0:56.8	was presenting at a conference. It was a spiritual formation conference, just a beautiful
1:01.2	gathering of people. I met many of you there, which always just brings so much delight
1:07.5	to my soul, sometimes this work of podcasting where I'm kind of talking to you and I
1:13.6	sense your presence with me, but I don't get to meet you and see your faces and give you a
1:19.2	hug. And it was just amazing to get to meet so many of you. And so many of you came up to me and
1:24.0	told me how much this work means to you. And I just want to thank you for that.
1:29.2	It really means a lot to me to get those opportunities to connect with you in real spaces.
1:35.5	And one of the workshops that I gave was on my book, I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't feel
1:40.7	this way. It's all about the process of building emotional intelligence,
1:46.8	of learning to name what's hard, right? Naming emotions, naming what's wrong, naming what's going
1:53.4	on inside of our souls, framing it, figuring out how to take what we've named and frame it so that we can brave it. We can actually
2:03.4	take action in our lives. There's three parts to that process of becoming an emotionally
2:09.4	intelligent person, right? It's that awareness piece, that naming piece, and then it's that
	...

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