169: Just Date Crows

Hello Dysfunction

Comedy, Improv

5 • 1.8K Ratings

🗓️ 5 May 2022

⏱️ 109 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Crystal is an adult cheerleader.
Keep politics out of our vaginas.
Hyper sexual children are more common than some realize and love at first month is totally possible.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello. I have a confession to make. Get that cat out. Okay, I'll do that in a minute,
0:23.3	but do you want to hear my confession? Welcome to Hello Disfunction. Let's start there. Episode
0:32.2	Do you know? I don't. 169. Oh goodness, feeling fine. I'm Crystal. I'm Potterfria. And I have a confession
0:43.5	right before I started, you know, recording. You know, I said, ready. Okay. Triggered a memory.
0:49.3	What was it for the semester that I went to Contra Costa College? I was a fucking cheerleader.
0:57.3	I was a Contra Costa comment. Yes, I was. Did you earn an adult by then? I was
1:06.1	98. That's embarrassing. You were way too old to be a champion. Bang, bang, two, two, train. Come on,
1:12.9	comments. You were like, yep, I'll do cheer hell, yeah. I was like, I'll fucking join team. For Contra Costa,
1:18.5	which is a ghetto-ass community college in the hood over here. You could like, yep,
1:24.3	sign me the fuck up right now. Will you make fun of me all the time? Do you have photos? Did you
1:29.7	teach your photos? No, I didn't even stick around. I had to do cheer photos. I think I went to like
1:34.8	five practices. Were you trying to catch a ball player like for Contra Costa? I was trying to
1:40.7	wear a short skirt. I have an excuse to wear a small skirt. Oh my god, you were way too old for
1:45.6	that by then. What a fucking whore. That's definitely some whore activity. Oh, it was definitely
1:51.4	whore mode. Yeah. 100%. Yeah, for sure. It wasn't because I fucking was athletic. No.
1:58.8	My years of playing soccer were over by then. By nine. I think I played soccer till 12.
2:06.9	And then after that, I was done. So, yeah, I definitely wasn't motivated. It wasn't for athletics.
2:14.3	Nope. It was to show off sex splits. Oh god. Although I never could do those. And be thick in a
2:20.3	skirt. That's what it was. Definitely. Horror motives. Completely. For sure. All right, so that's a good
2:29.1	way to start. Do you want to talk about this abortion situation? I'm going to start doing abortions
2:35.2	under the table, under the we're going to watch some YouTube videos. Yeah, we're going to figure it
2:40.4	out. See, the good thing is I'm going to I always say this is we look we're lucky. We live in
	...

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