168: We're Trying

Hello Dysfunction

Comedy, Improv

5 • 1.8K Ratings

🗓️ 28 April 2022

⏱️ 73 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Coffee is a trickster.
Tomatoes used to be a lot better tasting.
Stop telling everyone your family planning and extreme cheapskates are great.
Crystal is ALL about mid century modern and Pata Fria is getting her affairs in order.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome. Welcome, guys. We're alive, you guys. We're back. Episode 726.
0:24.9	A fellow dysfunction of how to free your mama's house. I'm Crystal. I'm me and I'm going to take a nap. Good night.
0:34.4	We had some problems last week. Yeah. Life happens sometimes and you can't do anything about it.
0:43.7	So I had a moment like that. Yeah, yeah, seriously. So we're back. So we apologize for the delay.
0:53.0	We love you for hanging in. I read something the other day. Did you know that coffee doesn't wake you up?
1:00.8	It just mutes the receptors that tell you you're tired. So you're still tired. It's like pain medicine
1:07.6	because you really aren't out of pain when you take pain medicine. It just stops the message from
1:12.0	getting to you. Yes. I didn't know that and that's some bullshit. It's their trickster. Yeah,
1:18.4	so I'm tricking myself when I drink coffee. Yeah. I'm putting in earplugs like just don't tell me I'm tired.
1:24.2	Yeah. I don't appreciate that because I thought it was giving me power all this time. No.
1:30.0	All it's doing is preventing me from getting headaches at this point. Well, guys, so much for coffee.
1:36.8	Got to move on to something else. Pretend juice. It is. It's a lie. It's not losing lies.
1:42.9	Pretend juice. I'm super disappointed because I'm a real coffee lover and love it.
1:47.9	I'm over here drinking espresso over ice right now. Four shots. It's called liquid cocaine.
1:55.2	You wanted six shots the other day and I was like, bitch, at this point, just do a line.
1:59.2	By me 10. Like, do they laugh when you order that? I was embarrassed to order six shots.
2:04.8	They're like, oh, she's a fucking tweak. She definitely does, man. She needs to move on to crank now.
2:11.3	I was embarrassed. For real. They poured it for you. Oh, wow.
2:19.6	Earlier, I was also thinking about something. Tomatoes don't even taste like tomatoes anymore.
2:25.6	Have you noticed that? I don't eat a lot of tomatoes. So, I remember growing up,
2:31.0	like we grew little cherry tomatoes in the backyard. All we had in the backyard was
2:35.3	tomato plants and zucchini plants. Yep. We had that too. Because I didn't tell you anything.
	...

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