166 SelfWork: Finding Your Way Back to Love
The SelfWork Podcast
Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
4.8 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 14 February 2020
⏱️ 26 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Valentines can hold as much angst for people as the holiday season. And if you have conflict or estrangement or alienation within your relationship, then that pain can become more distinct. Today we’re going to focus on what can cause these kinds of problems. But as usual, we’re also focusing on “what you can do about it.” I’ll use a couples therapy case from my own practice that shows that even though a problem may seem insurmountable, and like the relationship is over, there are four attitudes and actions that can help you find your way back to each other – and even to love.
Our listener email today is a very poignant one from a young man whose relationship with his mom was rocky due to her being abusive. But now she’s died of a second bout with cancer. And he finds himself pushing away others who love him, except for his two year-old child. He wants to understand his actions, and I’ll do my best to answer his question.
Important Links:
Podcast on handling narcissism in relationships
Podcast on loving someone with borderline personality disorder
You can hear more relationship advice and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is self-work and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. |
| 0:13.0 | At self-work we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world |
| 0:19.0 | and what to do about them. |
| 0:20.0 | I'm Dr. Margaret and self-work is a podcast dedicated to you taking just a few minutes today for your own self-work. |
| 0:29.0 | Hi and welcome or welcome back to self-work. This is Dr. Margaret Rutherford. I'm a clinical |
| 0:34.7 | psychologist out of Fable, Arkansas and I so appreciate you being here. I've done this |
| 0:39.7 | podcast for about three years now trying to reach out to people who may already be in |
| 0:44.4 | therapy or very interested in psychological issues. Maybe to those of you are just |
| 0:48.6 | initially diagnosed with depression or anxiety or you're having relationship issues and you're looking for some |
| 0:54.0 | answers or for those of you might never darken the door of a therapist but are just |
| 0:58.7 | curious enough to want to know what someone like me might have to say. |
| 1:02.9 | This isn't therapy, but at least you can hear more |
| 1:07.4 | about psychological things and mental health issues. |
| 1:11.0 | So welcome. You know, there are many ways to feel alone in the relationship |
| 1:15.3 | and this podcast happens to be being published on Valentine's Day. So the pain of |
| 1:20.9 | being alienated from your spouse or lonely in your relationship or not even in love anymore |
| 1:28.3 | can really be a problem, especially somehow given the context, just like the holidays of this particular |
| 1:34.9 | holiday then we stress going out or letting the people that you love know that |
| 1:39.7 | you love them. So today we're going to be talking about trying to find your way back to someone |
| 1:45.8 | that you have loved, but that you wonder now are you still in love with them. |
| 1:50.3 | And there are four attitudes and actions that can actually help, and I'll use a couple for my own |
| 1:55.9 | practice as an example. |
... |
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