165 SelfWork: The Deep Mourning of Sudden Death: When Time Will Not Stop
The SelfWork Podcast
Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
4.8 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 7 February 2020
⏱️ 27 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Kobe Bryant's family is only one of the many families who have to face an extremely harsh tragedy - the traumatic death of someone they love. There is a difference in this kind of grief because it's traumatic in the most pure sense. One second your world was safe, known and secure. And the next, it was not -- due to an extremely dramatic and out-of-the-ordinary experience that induces grief, disbelief, shock, fear, panic, or terror. There's not anything you can do about the loss. But there is something you can do, as well as things that are definitely not helpful. So we'll talk about it today on SelfWork.
The listener email is from someone who asked how she could ever rid herself of a shame she has carried “from birth.” I didn’t understand so reached out to her for more explanation. Her answer as fascinating to me because after her explanation, it was clear to see that the shame didn’t belong to her at all.
Important Links:
A very moving article on the "seven others on board" as people began writing about their lives, as well as their loved ones whose lives have been shattered.
CNN writer Pat Etheridge's article on how sudden death involves trauma
Definition of trauma by the APA
A wonderful book: “The Dance of Anger” by Harriet Lerner
Another helpful read: Toxic Parents
You can hear more about trauma and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is self-work and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. |
| 0:13.0 | At self-work we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world |
| 0:19.0 | and what to do about them. |
| 0:20.0 | I'm Dr. Margaret and self-work is a podcast dedicated to you taking just a few minutes today for your own self-work. |
| 0:29.0 | Hi and welcome to self-work. I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. I'm a psychologist out of Fayetteville, Arkansas, and I've been |
| 0:35.7 | podcasting for the last three years. I wanted to reach the people who might already be quite |
| 0:40.4 | comfortable with psychological and emotional issues, those who may have initially |
| 0:44.9 | and recently been diagnosed with something that they want more information about or just |
| 0:50.1 | struggling in their relationships. |
| 0:52.2 | But the third group is those of you who might never consider darkening the door of a therapist, |
| 0:57.5 | but are just interested enough to tune in to a podcast. |
| 1:01.5 | January can be a harsh month for many who struggle with depression. |
| 1:06.4 | Here in the US at least it's cold and dark, not much sunshine during the day. |
| 1:11.0 | But there are people all over the world every month, every day who are facing even |
| 1:15.5 | harsher tragedy, the traumatic death of someone they love. |
| 1:20.1 | There are five families whose loved ones died in a helicopter crash recently. |
| 1:24.6 | One of the dead was Kobe Bryant, a celebrated U.S. basketball star, and his oldest daughter, |
| 1:30.6 | Gianna. |
| 1:32.0 | The other victims were children, moms, and dads and the pilot, all whose |
| 1:37.7 | families' lives have been ripped open with both grief but also trauma. I'm going to talk today about mourning what these |
| 1:46.8 | people are facing the difference between grief and trauma and as always what you can do about it or at least what is under your |
| 1:56.4 | control to do there's obviously much that is not the listener email today a regular feature of self-work is from someone |
... |
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