You might be someone, especially again, if you're lean anxious, who is used to maybe being cryptic about how you feel or holds back how you feel or what it is you want to say because you're afraid someone may leave or may get upset.

If you share how you truly feel but I'm telling you right now people who are sure and certain about what they want.

They're not afraid, they're not afraid to express it and let you know how they feel and to be open about that so keep that in mind.

Hi, I'm Beatrice. I'm a self-love embodiment coach, a match of Stan, and the creator of the self-love over codependency program.

This podcast is all about helping you move from shame, people pleasing, codependency, and low self-esteem and fully into alignment, expansion, and unapologetic self-love through healing the inner child, spirituality, and manifestation.

Now, I won't lie in addition to the last tears and the joy. You may be triggered from time to time when tuning in, but these triggers will lead to a deep dive into who you really are, all you desire, and the confidence to demand more out of your life.

Welcome to the self-love fix where you get your dose of self-love tips.

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to the self-love fix podcast. My name is Beatrice and I am your host.

And this week on the pod, we are talking about anxiousness and dating, anxiousness, and relationships, and how you can begin to soothe some of the anxiousness that you feel around dating and relationship so that it's no longer impacting your ability to call in and attract a healthy committed relationship.

So let's go ahead and get into it. This episode is really going to resonate with you if you're someone who has a lot of anxious thoughts, especially in the early dating phase, or getting to know someone who's faced thoughts that sound like, do they like me? Does he like me? Why is he taking so long to text me back?

Or even spiraling into fears of, you know, is he interested in someone else or is he cheating? If you haven't heard from him or them in too long, or even thinking someone is the one, and I say that in air quotes, and it's perfect right off the bat.

Like you've got these rose colored glasses on their best thing you've ever seen in your life, you've ever experienced in your life, you just know you have to be with them, you just know they're the one after not knowing very much about them, you know, maybe it's a date or it's a couple of texts and you feel very strongly about that person.

And then maybe weeks down the road, months down the road is when you start to see the things you couldn't see, maybe a couple red flags, maybe have that pattern where you're like, oh my god, did they turn on me? Did they become somebody different? What's going on? They were so great in the beginning.

If you can relate to any of these statements, this episode is for you. So when we lean anxious in relationships, we have a combination of a deep desire for closeness and intimacy and a deep fear of abandonment.

And because the desire for closeness and intimacy and the fear of abandonment are both so strong, what happens is in the dating phase, we can be coming attached really quickly to someone or idealizing them. This is really important. We end up idealizing someone because subconsciously we end up looking at relationships and dating like let's just have someone let's just have anyone doesn't even matter what's going on with them.

We just need the presence of someone in our lives. We just need someone to be there. And that's where so many times, you know, if you're someone who sees red flags way down the line or you think, oh my god, this person's flipped on me, they've changed.

That's where that sort of a deal happens because it's not that they've changed or it's not that they are someone totally different than who you first saw them to be. It might just be that there was such a deep desire for intimacy and closeness.

And again, that strong fear of abandonment, you ended up seeing what you wanted to see in that person and maybe ended up liking the idea of that person as opposed to that person themselves.

So the question, a good question to ask yourself when dating, when getting to know people is, do I like them or do I like the idea of them? And also, are you going into dating, knowing what you're looking for?

Or are you going into dating with the mindset of, I just don't want to be alone. I hope someone picks me. I hope someone chooses me. I hope I find someone who likes me.

So with anxiousness and relationships and in dating, you end up getting really preoccupied with the other person, how they feel about you, what they think about you.

Because there's this feeling that them being present in your life will ease that anxiety and anxiousness that you may have about being alone. And also in reality, when we think about relationships, there's so much that goes into relationships.

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