Hello and welcome to episode 161 of the regular features podcast.

Show. I'm Steve. Hello. How do you do? I am well.

Shlock. I'm in the middle of something. Why are you answering your own musical tune?

Let me step in. How are you? I'm well. I know. Oh, I go. When will I stop falling for your tasty treats? Matt, you? I'm fine. I've just been a bit sick in my mouth, but it's not anything to do with you guys. What happened? I was just a bit sick in my mouth. That's it. Bile. I was sort of doubled over when I did a burp. What's that rustling sound? Sorry, is there a crow in your chimney? Yes, there is. Seriously, what is that? What the fuck is that, Matt? Is it a ghost? No, it's not a crow in my chimney.

The ghost of a crow that died in your chimney last week. That's right. No, it's just a... I think it's just a faulty drain pipe. Just water splatters out, then it? It's sputtering. It is spluttering, yeah. It's a lot less dramatic than it sounds. Like a rusty spigot.

It's just somebody having a shower.

My favourite boxer.

And here's a sex I thought for you.

At any one point, there's somebody somewhere in the world is having a sexy shower right now. How many people have fingers in them right now? Precisely. How many people have decided that today is a day they're feeling a bit muggy and they treat themselves to a wank with a finger up the bum? Right now. I, I could say, I wonder how many people have got a finger up right now.

Put my hand to my chin and then have a 10th of a second flash of everyone in the planet

that I can record and rewind and scribble at leisure later.

The total number of people with fingers inside them now is 422,679. Thank you.

10 of them you find attractive. One find you attractive. I'm teleporting you to him now.

Oh, we're all still in the same room. That's what it would be like. Look, had magical powers.

Oh, I didn't mean, just pure fingers.

Well, I've taken my finger out of my ass now.

So should we carry on with a podcast? Oh, you've summoned me here. Is that how you got me here today? Yes. You better follow through. Mucky hex. Titty-ti-ti-ti-bom. I can't keep going through my life with everybody I meet upon realizing that I work to do with

anything in video games immediately, no matter what I say from that point, they are convinced that I make video games. And it doesn't matter what I say, even the guy at the coffee shop, I've told him what I do. And every time I see him, he says, what have you been doing?

And I say, oh, this game or whatever.

And he goes, oh, you're making the game.

I'm like, no, no, I'm not.

I just want to grab him and go, this, this game or whatever. And he goes, oh, you're making the game?

...