You're listening to the place we find ourselves podcast. I'm Adam Young and today I am going to summarize

the six things that every child needs from their parents. I am also going to share vignettes that hopefully illustrate

well each of these six things. Way back in podcast episode two, like six years ago, I outlined these six things, which I call the big six.

Why? Because they are oh, so very important for both understanding your story and also parenting children.

Now, episode two released ages ago, so I thought a refresher was fitting. What I hope will be

particularly helpful today is the vignettes, the vignettes that illustrate when a child

either receives or doesn't receive each of these six things.

So number one of the big six, the first thing that every child needs from his or her parents to form a secure attachment to form a healthy

brain to develop well is a tunement now what is a tunement okay attunedment? Okay, attuned

attuned to your parents desire and ability to read your emotional state, your insides. Did your mother read you well when you were a third grader?

Did she have some idea of what you were feeling on the inside?

Likewise, with regard to your father,

was your father attuned to your emotional states when you were in middle school.

Were your parents paying sufficient attention to you

such that they knew something of what you were feeling on the inside,

something of what was happening inside your body, inside your heart.

When mom and or dad are distracted or preoccupied

by their own needs, their own emotions,

their own personal pain, their own trauma, they often fail to attune sufficiently to the child.

Conversely, okay, when you are on the receiving end of attuned

when your parents are attuning to you well,

the result is what Dan Siegel calls

...