Hey there, today's episode is hosted by the poet Dianelli Antigua.

Enjoy, and I'll be back on June 22nd.

I'm Dianelli Antigua, and this is The Slowdown.

Thank you. and this is the slowdown. When I was 21, I studied abroad in Seville, Spain, in the land of 10 p.m. dinners and 6 a.m. bedtimes. I remember packing my bags a month in advance,

folding and refolding the same clothes, trying to prepare for a version of myself I hadn't met yet.

I didn't know then how life-changing that trip would be,

how it would set me on a path of self-discovery I never expected.

Up to that point, I was naive and sheltered.

I'd been raised in a strict religious system that kept my world small,

where stepping outside of it came with consequences.

I remember the first night I stayed out past midnight.

The city felt alive in a different register.

Music was spilling into the streets. People were talking, laughing, drinking wine under the shadows of great cathedrals.

I watched at first, taking it all in,

letting myself adjust to the idea that I could be a part of it.

And then, slowly, I did become a part of it.

I drank my first beer.

I went to a club and danced for the first time, terrified and exhilarated, all at once.

I found pleasure in the food, in tapapas, those small, delightful plates that made a meal feel like an unfolding. I said yes to things I never imagined for myself.

A weekend trip to Paris, new clothes that hugged my thin hips, even a kiss in the palace gardens.

I remember my host grandmother was in a different state of her life, moving through dementia.

Despite that, she still sang at the table at every meal.

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