142 - Darwin Awards and Evolution

Timesuck with Dan Cummins

Dan Cummins

True Crime, Society & Culture, Religion, Conspiracies, History, Biographies, Education, Adult Humor, Comedy, Dark Humor, Conspiracy, Cults

4.7 • 21.6K Ratings

🗓️ 3 June 2019

⏱️ 135 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

The Darwin Awards! Meatsacks removing themselves from being able to procreate or from the planet entirely in the most easily avoidable ways. Natural selection at work! We make light of a lot of death today, and also use this topic as an excuse to look into evolution theory and the man who put it on the map - Charles Darwin. Is evolution more than just "a theory"? Can we prove it worked? Did we really evolve from monkeys? Did a guy in Australia really try to kill a tiger with his bare hands after some karate lessons? Did a guy accidentally kill himself by pounding two bottles of sherry via his "mouth butt"? We're all over the place today on another edition of Timesuck! Happy Murder Tour Standup dates: (full calendar at dancummins.tv) June 7-8th Omaha, NE The Funny Bone CLICK HERE for tix! June 13-15th Raleigh, NC Charlie Goodnight's CLICK HERE for tix! Listen to the best of my standup on Spotify! (for free!) https://spoti.fi/2Dyy41d Timesuck is brought to you by the following sponsors: Indochino: Get any premium Indochino suit for $359 at Indochino.com when entering TIMESUCK at checkout Great Courses Plus: Get a FREE month of unlimited access to their entire library when you sign up now at TheGreatCoursesPLUS.com/TIMESUCK Watch the Suck on Youtube: https://youtu.be/0SJTNQ2pU7U Merch - https://badmagicmerch.com/ Want to try out Discord!?! https://discord.gg/tqzH89v Want to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever current page hasn't been put in FB Jail :) For all merch related questions: https://badmagicmerch.com/pages/contact Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG, @timesuckpodcast on Twitter, and http://www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcast Wanna become a Space Lizard? We're almost 5000 strong! Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast Sign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits.

Transcript

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0:00.0	No one gets to cheat death, at least not in this world.
0:02.9	Best case, you die of the death of your choice.
0:05.0	For me, now I'm just fading away after a sound night's sleep,
0:09.5	my old age when I still have my health, mental faculties,
0:12.8	that sounds pretty good.
0:14.2	Just a nice rest that just kind of peacefully fades into death.
0:18.6	Worst case, you end up as a Darwin Award winner
0:21.3	for doing something stupid, reckless,
0:23.0	just otherwise totally unnecessary
0:25.2	that takes you out of the gene pool
0:27.4	before you ever needed to leave.
0:30.0	Actually, to win a Darwin Award, you don't have to die.
0:32.4	You can also needlessly castrate
0:34.1	or otherwise sterilize yourself in some horrific fashion.
0:37.5	The Darwin Awards are a tongue-in-cheek honor
0:39.9	originating an old used net news group discussions
0:42.9	around 1985.
0:44.6	The awards recognize individuals who contribute
0:47.2	to evolutionary natural selection
0:50.3	by removing themselves from the gene pool.
0:52.4	The Darwin Awards website is launched in 1993
0:55.5	and has been celebrating cartonically unnecessary death ever since.
	...

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