142: Best of: Codependency Doesn’t Exist with Shahem McLaurin

Struggle Care

KC Davis

Self-improvement, Education

4.8 • 750 Ratings

🗓️ 26 May 2025

⏱️ 43 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Codependency is one of those buzzwords often used in therapy and mental health around relationships. Today’s guest has provoked a lot of feedback by challenging people’s views on this subject. Join us for this intriguing conversation. I’m joined by one of my favorite people on TikTok, Shahem Mclaurin, a social worker in Brooklyn, NY, with over 500,000 followers on social media. Shahem is self-described as a person who is “queer as hell, Black as hell, and loud as hell.” They use their platform to address a wide range of social and mental health issues impacting people of color, patriarchy-impacted people, and members of the LGBTQ+ community. Show Highlights: ● How Shahem’s view of codependency has challenged the worldview of many people ● Why Shahem got a lot of blowback from his thoughts on codependency when he began to challenge popular worldviews ● Why we need to differentiate between attention-seeking and connection-seeking behaviors ● Why people get defensive when their “codependency identification” is challenged ● How the term codependency originated as part of popular therapeutic language ● How our culture sees having empathy for someone and expecting accountability from them as opposites that can’t both be true at the same time ● Thoughts on codependency, outside validation, connectivity, and feeling emotionally safe ● How to take a look at your unique journey “in the pool” Resources and Links: Connect with Shahem: ⁠TikTok⁠ and ⁠Instagram⁠ Connect with KC: ⁠TikTok⁠, ⁠Instagram⁠, and ⁠Facebook⁠ Get KC’s book, ⁠How to Keep House While Drowning⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:⁠ www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Amazon offers employees up to £8,000 for education and training, like Juliet.
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0:10.0	And to her, the sound of machinery in need of repair, reminds her of how far she's come.
0:18.0	In two years, she's landed her dream job, providing her with valuable skills.
0:24.2	That's up to £8,000 for education and training at Amazon. Eligibility conditions apply.
0:35.1	Hello, you sentient balls of stardust. Welcome to Struggle Care.
0:38.6	This is the podcast about self-care, mental health, and just shit that I want to talk about in general.
0:44.5	I'm here with genuinely one of my favorite TikTokers, Shahim, and you are a licensed professional social worker.
0:51.4	And say a few words about yourself so that the audience can know who you are.
0:55.2	So I'm Shahim. I am a licensed social worker, practicing therapist. I'm an LMSW. So this close to
1:03.9	mine, see, I have to take a year. That's a wrong, complicated, twisty, windy story. But I am originally from Baltimore.
1:12.6	I'm stationed in Brooklyn.
1:14.4	I am queer as hell.
1:15.7	I'm black as hell and loud as hell nine times out of 10.
1:19.3	So that is what you get from me.
1:22.4	Yeah.
1:22.8	Well, thank you so much.
1:24.8	I've really been looking forward to this because we're going to talk about
1:27.8	codependency. And I saw you do a TikTok recently on it. And I was like, I have thoughts.
1:33.4	And I know you have thoughts. And that is really all this podcast is, is finding people that have
1:39.0	like capital T thoughts on things that are sort of like mine and then bringing them on and then
1:43.2	talking about it. So just give me your like one minute download as to like why the word codependency makes your
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