141: Best of: Boundary stories pt 1: The dad I didn't cut off

Struggle Care

KC Davis

Self-improvement, Education

4.8 • 750 Ratings

🗓️ 19 May 2025

⏱️ 27 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

The thing about boundaries is that they are much more complex than most people assume. The world of boundary-setting is rarely colored with clearly defined black-and-white choices. Today’s episode is a conversation with my friend Bethany about her relationship with her father and how she handled boundaries in ways that felt authentic to her. We are discussing how boundaries come into play in the relationships we have and the decision-making process we use. Join us to learn more! Show Highlights: ● A little background on Bethany’s dad, their relationship, and how she grew up not feeling wanted and approved by him ● How Bethany’s relationship with her dad got worse as she became an adult and encountered her personal addiction issues ● How Bethany learned hard lessons about communicating with her dad ● Why Bethany decided to maintain her relationship with her dad—even though he gave her every reason not to ● How Bethany set hard boundaries by not engaging with him when he was drinking and verbally abusive to her ● How extra complexities came into their relationship when his health declined and he needed her more and more ● Why Bethany’s decisions to engage and re-engage were never about believing he would change ● Why the boundary decisions we make are less about what is right or wrong and more about how we can remain an authentic, whole person ● How Bethany handled his terminal illness in ways that left her with no regrets Resources and Links: Connect with KC: ⁠Website⁠, ⁠TikTok⁠, ⁠Instagram⁠, and ⁠Facebook⁠ Get KC’s book, ⁠How to Keep House While Drowning⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:⁠ www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes⁠. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:35.1	Okay, Bethany, first of all, thank you for being here. And the reason why I wanted you to tell your story is because I talk a lot about boundaries on my TikTok. And boundaries aren't what most people think they are. We usually think of boundaries as, you know, if you don't do this, I'm going to do this. And that can be what boundaries look like. But there's just a lot of pop psychology. And I think that you have a really great story about you and your dad about boundaries that shows the nuances and the complexities that come. When we get out of talking about boundaries as this sort of esoteric, like, hard line thing about like, well, you just, you know,
1:14.0	don't put up with that or, oh, never abandoned that person. And look at them as stories of real
1:19.5	people in real relationships that are neither good nor bad. So I have this flowchart that I use
1:26.2	that I talk to people about like this decision making process
1:28.3	and it was similar to the decision making process that you went through with your own dad.
1:32.9	And so I thought we could just kind of start at the beginning as a way of telling that story.
1:36.4	Okay.
1:36.9	Okay.
1:37.2	So the first question in this relationship decision tree is, is this behavior acceptable to you?
1:43.0	No.
1:43.8	So let's talk about your dad's behavior. Like,
1:45.8	why is this the story we're telling? So I think one thing that's important to note is that my dad
1:51.6	was in Vietnam. He was drafted when he was 18 and he was on the ground in the jungle with a
1:58.2	machine gun. And I think it had a very real impact on the man he became. So my parents
2:03.7	divorced when I was five. He was not a nice man. I don't know the details. I suspect there was
2:10.6	some physical abuse. I loved my dad. I just adored him. When they got divorced when I was nine,
2:15.7	we moved out of state. My dad remarried. She was not a
	...

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