You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships

and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,

and I'm really glad you're here.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. In today's episode, I am

answering the listener question of, is it wrong to want my partner to change?

I think that this is a predicament that a lot of us will relate to, to varying degrees at different

points in life and in relationships, is that niggling voice in your head that starts to feel

really critical of your partner, maybe in a general sense

or specific things that they do. But having that sense of if they just changed this thing,

then everything would be different or then I'd be more attracted to them or then all my needs

would be met and we wouldn't be fighting or we wouldn't be disconnected or

whatever it might be. But this feeling that the problems in the relationship or the way that

you're feeling towards them originate with them and needing them to change is kind of the roadblock

standing in the way of your happiness or your satisfaction, your peace, whatever it might be.

So I think it's a feeling that a lot of us will relate to.

And as always, I think that it's important to inquire and get curious with, you know,

how much of this is my stuff, how much of this is telling me something about the relationship that

needs my attention? Is there anything there for my partner to action? And sifting through that

in a way that really allows us to have a bit more clarity rather than just following those

voices and those stories in our head that can lead us to, you know, not very nice or constructive

behavior within our relationship

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