Welcome to the Empowered Wife podcast where it's all about fixing your marriage without your husband's conscious effort so that you feel desired and taking care of and special even if your relationship feels completely hopeless.

I'm Laura Doyle and today I'm talking about how to tell someone they hurt you.

My guest Noel felt completely ignored by her husband who talked to the dog instead of talking to her at dinner.

He would laugh and laugh with their son, but not with her. Now her husband is so attentive to her, He takes her out for brunch, for lunch, and he's giving her a new kitchen.

And then there was the very special moment she knew the intimacy skills were working for her.

She's going to share how she got there so you can do it too.

The worst relationship advice of the Week Award goes to a book that is maybe meant to help address

verbal abuse in marriage, but goes about it in all the wrong ways.

All that is coming up but first I'm going to reveal how to tell someone they hurt you.

When your husband is harsh or thoughtless or downright mean,

of course you want him to stop.

If you're anything like I was, you want him to feel embarrassed or ashamed so he won't do it again.

And since he promised to love you in front of God and everybody, it stands to reason that

letting him know how much he hurt you should be very persuasive in

getting him to be more gentle and thoughtful and kind. But if you've ever had the

experience of your husband looking through you or not even listening when you're telling

them how hurt you are or just telling you to stop being so upset, it's really frustrating. You can end up feeling even more hurt than you were to begin with.

I know for me when I'm hurt sometimes it shows up as anger which feels safer than hurt.

And when I'm angry at someone, I want them to suffer.

I mean, I'm not proud of that, but as a mere mortal woman,

I notice an enormous temptation to punish that person who hurt me.

And the illusion is that I'm justified and that I'll feel better

...